


I Don't Yearn

by Max Rasgar (Tear_U_Apart)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Canon Divergence - you bet your ass, Eventual SQ Smut, F/F, Hook & Hood Free, Mills Certified Sass®, Season 4 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:06:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tear_U_Apart/pseuds/Max%20Rasgar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What good does it do to know who your 'True Love' is? [S4 AU] </p><p> </p><p>¤¤¤This is my first multi-chap SQ that was originally posted: March 2015 - April 2015 on ff.net¤¤¤</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act I. I Don't Wanna Fall In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This piece of FF was written by me and I sure as hell don't own the characters I'm using that appear on ABC, or even hold a lease on a granule of dirt from the Disney Empire.
> 
> A/N: This began as a small experiment that expanded. I haven't tried to re-invent cheese and crackers, just tell a good story without resorting to too many tropes. Here's what's ahead: I write in the first person and if that annoys you, my suggestion is that you pull up on the emergency brake and exit the vehicle. Now if you won't bothered by my execution and the contents of this, then lastly let me inform you that this hot mess will be told exclusively in Regina's POV. I think all that legendary sass and snark is all kinds of fun. 
> 
> F.Y.I: The timeline of this tale I'll leave to you (the reader) to decide when in S4 that this story could take place. Also, some things happened like they did on the show (in S4) and some things didn't but that's really secondary considering what this story is about.
> 
> Soundtrack: "Take A Bow" & "Hoodoo" by Muse, "Demons" by Imagine Dragons, "Everybody Knows" by Concrete Blonde

The small, irritating bell over Gold's doorway rings out my entrance. I cannot begin to properly explain how much restraint it takes every single time for me not to reach up and rip it down. Instead I shut the door behind me with a fair amount of authority.

"I wasn't aware that the 'closed' on that sign only applied to everyone else, but you of course you Your Majesty and the obligatory unannounced Charming visitations I've endured."

To me Gold's voice always sounds bored and condescending. Whereas Rumpelstiltskin was always flippant, even amusing on certain days. So I've never really understood why Gold doesn't let the malevolent imp that is lurking just under that cursed visage out more often. It's not as though anyone would have the nerve to laugh at him, unless he chose to let them, then I imagine he wouldn't hesitate to turn them into a snail and step on them. I move closer towards Gold; he is standing behind the counter just in front of his safe, which is hidden behind a collection of uninspired landscape paintings.

"We can verbally joust some other time." I say while the sound of my heels slowly cease on the hardwood floors as I stop in the middle of Gold's shop. And what is it that every time I set foot in this place a new smell assaults my senses. "For now I would much rather discuss a possible method on how to rid myself of a rather tiresome pest."

I see Gold briefly smirk at me, before his attention goes back to the small trinket in his hand that previously held his interest, "Poor pest, does it have a name?"

That tone in his voice reminds me of when I asked him how I might go about exterminating another form of pest just a few years ago; Emma Swan. That didn't go at all how I planned and I'm wiser from that experience now. My new pest is a much simpler problem that I invited in with open arms this time around, after another type of annoying 'Bell' wouldn't desist with her meddling. I suppose it would be a fair assessment to say that I finally gave in because it was easier, but that's certainly not true now, not after everything.

"Robin Hood, as if you don't already know."

"I see." Gold says with a gleam in his eyes as his full attention finally lands on me. "Tinker Bell really shouldn't tinker with spells. She really is the worst fairy ever, as you so accurately phrased it once."

I roll my eyes while walking the remaining distance towards the glass cases were Gold is inspecting a small gold ring of some sort. As I move closer, the ring he's holding looks familiar, but right now I couldn't make myself care even if by royal decree.

"The tired soul mate fable is that and nothing more." Gold says as he places the ring on a blue velvet jewelry mat on the countertop. "The whole lion tattoo business was just...unimaginative, crass and tacky."

I already wish that I hadn't finally fallen victim to an obviously tall tale. I held myself back all those decades ago for a reason, and I should've continued to leave well enough alone, especially such foolish nonsense. I'm done with the lie that I embraced; pixie dust, it's for fools and I've decided to no longer be one.

"Hmm, be that as it may I'm beyond ready to move past it all."

A few days ago I realized that at some point all my acts; past and present, absolutely reek of desperation. In short I have willingly let myself become the trite and horribly overcompensating desperate woman who has once again allowed herself to be used by a man for his pleasure. Only this time around instead of it all being forced upon me, I allowed it, welcomed it. I've committed adultery under the guise of a false notion of a soul mate. I was a willing and compliant mistress to Robin Hood, at the same time that his wife and True Love was unavailable to see to his needs.

A faraway expression flickers on Gold's face for less than a second and then falls away; someone else would've missed it. "Oh Regina, I have feeling that since you've let the forest dwelling creature...show you what he's made of in your vault," A knowing smirk pulls up the side of my former teachers mouth and I suddenly want to wipe it off with a fireball as hot as a supernova. "Your so called pest won't be bothering you for very much longer now."

Embarrassment is something I shouldn't feel but I do. I lowered myself and I have no one to blame, except myself. My dalliances with Graham were my own desires; I took what I wanted. But now in my utterly worn down state, still on my path of redemption; desperation, the lowest kind of weakness allowed me to be taken and used yet again.

"You vile, sorry, little bastard!"

Rumpelstiltskin shows his true face for a moment through Gold and both men chuckle evilly. "Sticks and stones, Your Majesty. And besides I'm the one who does all the bone breaking around here, lest you forget."

"So you say." I say darkly; willing him to do his worst because for once I don't care about the notion of self-preservation. Gold seems to recognize this fact and he simply smirks at me. "Back to the task at hand, I prefer not to wait any longer. Unlike Miss. Swan and her make up wearing hooker pirate man tote, I want my pest to stop pursuing me now, not when he finally feels like it. I will not be made a fool of again."

Gold chuckles and once more it's as if I've fallen perfectly into a well-laid trap that has been waiting for me for quite some time.

"As you wish Your Majesty. Let's see if we can do a deal then, shall we?"

"Fine, but I will agree to no terms until I've heard what you're offering."

My former teachers gaze scrutinizes; it's as if he's looking for something he has missed or perhaps he's assessing my intent or seeing the future for all I know or have a passing care about. I hardly bat an eye during his inspection. Then the beginnings of a smirk curl the side of his mouth.

"If you recall not but a few scant years ago dearie, I told you and Emma that I had bottled True Love." My former dark teacher says knowingly, while moving out from behind the glass display cases. "But at the time I omitted what colors bonded together that actually made up the potent potion."

"Are you going to make your point anytime soon?"

Gold smiles at me rather smugly, "For you but of course."

"The two idiots colors are what exactly?" I prompt because my limited patience took a sick day.

"A vibrant red and a disgustingly pure white." Gold says while he walks out from behind the counter. "Those single strands of hair from Snow and her Prince. I'll never forget the sight when those two insignificant hairs met and created something extraordinary; glowing red and white intertwined together to form a color brighter than gold itself, that very potion brought magic to Storybrooke."

So that's how it was done. I never really stopped to consider how he did it. Because when I saw that purple fog roll in thick and heavy I welcomed it with a smile, like something precious that had finally come home to me.

"Why offer me this?" I wave my hand in exasperation. "Completely useless information when I asked you for a spell to get rid of a pest that can't seem to stop popping up where he is no longer wanted. I want him to just stay with his wife; his True Love, the fair and gentile Maid Marian."

Gold chuckles and moves a few steps closer to me. I stand my ground. I always do and I always will.

"All I can offer is a refresher and the ingredients required for a forgetting spell. Since you can't seem to manage any of those elements on your own these days." Gold says while sizing me up again, which he frequently does. "Or you can find your very own and real True Love and move on. Then fate will take its due course in regards to that wee green pixy's soul mate rubbish."

"I have no True Love anymore." I say sternly, looking directly into Rumpelstiltskin's intense dark eyes.

He smirks and a gleam seems to grow in those eyes of his as he holds my gaze, "But you do dearie, and I promise you that when I tell you who they are you won't be...happy."

"Happy?" I say incredulously while glaring at Gold. "That didn't exist for me for a long time. Not until Henry came along, and well we both know where my state of affairs lie as of this moment."

I won't speak out loud that I had to learn that emotion again to even be able to recognize it, even though beforehand I only received it mostly from my father. There was another but our time together was short and I can't live in the past with those memories anymore.

"Magic is about emotion, dearie." Gold says with a knowing grin and I've just now decided that I don't like where this conversation is headed. "And I must say that yours and the Savior's magical colors match them...perfectly." His cane taps resoundingly on the hardwood flooring on the last word.

"Match what exactly?"

"The colors of the True Love potion." Gold says with a crooked smirk. "Oh, your newfound red-tinged magic that mirrors Snow's contribution to the True Love potion and then there is Emma's pure white that mirrors her father's other half of the mixture." I can feel that old simmering rage of mine begin to stir. "My, my Regina I must say what a vision it was to see you both do battle side-by-side on the Snow Queen's magical creation."

Anger aside, I still feel as if what remains of my heart has shrunken in on itself and now there truly is a hollow blackened void in my chest.

"That's not possible, you're lying!"

Gold smiles and I involuntarily take a step back from him.

"Oh but it is Regina, and I've waited until just the right time to deliver this news. I must say I'm quite thrilled with your reaction, it was worth the wait."

All the ways that we have pushed one another, harsh words, threats and violent actions I wonder now how could it have all culminated to this one point, which I can't deny. I know all too well how it feels to make magic with Emma and I never really considered why and right now I believe that my previous ignorance was absolute bliss in disguise. My truth was that I could no longer stand is that my soul mate was Robin Hood, but to know that my True Love is none other than Miss Emma Swan is not something that I want right now.

"You're enjoying this aren't you, Rumple?"

"Thoroughly dearie, quite thoroughly and as I told your mother a very long time ago; irony is everywhere." Gold says with no small amount of satisfaction. "And if you recall I told you that you can no more fly from your fate than that roasted swan that sat upon your banquet table. And I assure you dear Regina that your favorite Swan already feels to an extent what you've just barely started on. But you can take comfort in the knowledge that Emma isn't completely in tune with her magic enough to fully understand...yet."

I'm not shocked in some ways but in other ways I can hardly stomach the idea. I think I've always instinctually known and in an unconscious effort of self-preservation, chose to smother it alive. Maybe I can still save myself from it though?

"I've finally rendered you speechless." Gold says as he steps closer to me again. "Let me continue to expound on that by leaving you with this; Daniel wasn't your True Love, he was merely your first; we all have to start somewhere. And you my dear, your emotions are ferocious and run either so very hot or so damned cold, and your path Regina was never meant to be easy as you should well know by now. You see your True Love wasn't born yet and that applies all the way back to your youth. I find it poetic that your personal savior was born out of a blood feud that has only recently been laid to rest."

I can take no more so I lunge for Rumple, but his magic weaves around my neck and then I feel myself being starved for air. With a flick of his wrist my feet rise off the floor and then he pulls me close to him. I fight for oxygen, even as I meet his glare with one of my own. If this is to be my end then I shall be defiant until I am robbed of my last breath.

"I played you like the finest instrument known to man, Regina." Gold breathes into my face and I fight to not flinch. "I took it all from you dearie, and remade you into the image that I wanted. That I could use whenever and however I saw fit."

I try to bring my hands up; my rage is all I really do have, but he has long since immobilized them.

"I also want you to know Your Majesty that I've taken not only your mother but your sister from you too." Gold says and I inhale sharply because a part of me wanted a relationship with the sister that I never knew I had until she tried to destroy me. "That day at the Sheriff's office I didn't want Belle to see that I haven't changed Regina, but that doesn't matter now. I finally have her exactly where I want her too."

My eyes flutter closed and everything feels light and empty in my chest. I'm fighting for air.

"You really should learn to listen to your first instincts, Regina." Gold taunts and it seems like I can feel his breath upon my cheek. "They were always right you know, every single time."

My lungs are starting to burn, but then Gold's magic induced choke releases me and my eyes jar open at the sensation of my feet hitting the floor. My legs only just barely hold me up and he chuckles at the sight of me.

"I feel sorry for Belle." I say; my voice no more than a breathless rasps. "But not for you, never for you Rumple. And as much as I would like to destroy you...I've finally learned from my mistakes."

"Enlighten me then, Regina."

The patronizing quality of his voice is oddly satisfying for me this time around. I straighten my back along with my resolve.

"Revenge solves nothing and it never hurts the person who wronged you as much as it hurts yourself." I reply past the scorched impression in my throat and lungs. "Belle will find out about you. No matter how you might charm your way around her, she will see the truth and your shiny new happy ending will be the end."

"I doubt that dearie." Gold says while adjusting his shirts cuffs then his squared cufflinks. "Things have gone as I have foreseen them; nothing has stood in my way and its not about to start now. I get what I want."

A ragged cough tears its way through my constricted throat and I faintly taste copper or more accurately blood. With my right hand I reach up to massage my throat and then with a little of my new found white magic I will it to repair the damage.

Gold chuckles, "The dark still suits you better Regina, but whatever you find of use I suggest that you use it. Good evening to you now."

I glare at Gold for a moment then turn around and leave the store. The annoying bell tolls again as I open and then shut the door forcefully behind me again. I can feel the barrier that I've spent my life building slowly crumbling with each step to my car. There is only so much that will allow Gold to see, but with the new knowledge that I have been all but his puppet on invisible strings. I might have been Queen but I apparently was always his Pawn. Nothing about my life has been of my own choosing. I don't think I can withstand much more, before I well and truly break. But I'll be damned if I let anyone see my own brand of deconstruction.

\---------------

It feels as if I've been in a daze since I left Gold's, particularly since I have no recollection of driving to where I am now, but here I am and what a moment of clarity. I grip the Mercedes' smooth leather steering wheel in my hand tightly, before I pull the latch on the door and step out. The sea air greets me by filling my slightly tender lungs with its crispness. I'm cold from the inside out; my head and my chest hurts, but I'm not sure exactly why and it doesn't matter to me right now. My heels dig into the fine gravel with every step I take and even though today I opted for a tailored suit, I grasp my coat; pulling it tighter around me in an effort of poor self-comfort.

Still, the day is bright and clear; hardly even the thinnest wisp of a cloud to tarnish the blue, but the air has bite still since the winter has yet to completely let go. Pulling my coat tighter to me I walk towards the empty grounds ahead. I know all those years ago that my son took solace in coming to his own child-sized fortress. Granted, that structure is long gone but even in its absence it would appear that I've subconsciously come here for those same reasons. The ocean has no memory to be robbed of and as I stand before it I catch myself wishing it would wash take away all the bad memories of mine with its tide and leave only what few good one's that I've held onto. I close my eyes and make another wish, that Henry's old fortress still stood and that I could use its mock-up wooden battlements for a shield.

Emma and Henry used to come here to hideaway from me. I will not deal with Gold's attempt to wound me deeply by insinuating what Emma Swan supposedly is to me. It makes no sense. I've fought with her since day one and since we've only managed to tolerate one another. Also she's insulted me many times and sometimes in the worst possible way, in front of my son. It still stings that she referred to me as 'bad people' and has never apologized to this day. But she did apologize at Granny's that night, when she resurrected Marian. Looking back I think that I behaved rashly, going so fast with a man that I didn't really know. And after I really thought about where my heart was, and my memories of the missing year fully resurfaced; I had no great affair with Robin back in the Enchanted Forest, I could barely stand his company, let alone desire him to touch me.

The wind blows off the sea strongly and it pushes against my chest. Accepting that Emma Swan is my true love is more than I can handle. Discombobulated, is the only word that comes to mind that can accurately describe how I feel. I don't think Rumpelstiltskin could've engineered a better way to put me off. Inflict a bit more damage to my already horribly ruptured self. I've never wanted to immolate someone on sight more than I want to do to him right now. Betrayal is not a new emotion for me to deal with nor is the anger that it incites. I will admit that my former teacher played the long game and so far it looks as though he has all but won. His son's death being the only kink he could not straighten, but that was due to the fact that it was far too late in the game for the both of them. A part of me thinks that it's too late for me too, but the best parts of me still holds on to hope and I hate that sometimes.

Walking towards the edge of the grounds the sea air whips through my hair and reminds me of another reason that I came here. My vault no longer provides me with any real familiar peace, because of all the time that I had spent hiding in there, one of my last moments was interrupted when I allowed Robin's intrusion. Any man that desperate to force himself on me because his wife isn't all that receptive towards him these days isn't a man anyone should ever want, let alone me. My life has been destructive enough already but I welcomed the change, and it's left me skirting too close to the fringes of my former self as of late. Which I see now as another reminder that Robin wasn't a healthy choice for me.

I may have to re-learn how to make a forgetting potion, since I can't seem to remember how to make such a thing. So it stands to reason that at some point I've already used one on myself. The imp might be right about Robin leaving now that he has gotten what he wanted from me. I feel disgusted at the thought that I've most likely given away one of the last remaining scraps of dignity that I possess. I feel tears warm tears crawl down my cool cheeks. I wipe them away with my hand and resolve my will to not let another one fall where anyone can so easily see what has become of me. If only my life were just a reoccurring nightmare that I could wake from. With measured steps paced in time with my battered heart, I walk back towards my car so that I can allow myself to cry in its safe confines; like I have more than a few times before.

\--------------

Time passes and even the most cursed life in this land can and will level out at one time or another. Everything falls into a banality, a mundane rhythm eventually. I know that to be truer than anyone else; repetition is hell, and I lived it long before I invoked the Dark Curse that lasted twenty-eight years. I've forgiven The Savior to preserve the peace, or rather to preserve what's left of my peace of mind. Then right on schedule said goody-two shoes agreed on an arrangement between sharing Henry. But I attributed this sudden reasoning is due to Emma's new little brother Neal. I should thank him for that or perhaps several things, since his wails can be heard all the way outside of the Un-Charming's loft. He makes Henry; who was very vocal in those early days, seem like the child who never cried for hours on end. The littlest Charming has phenomenal volume.

I laugh under my breath because it's the smallest things that brighten my days sometimes. Snow's, David's and Emma's lack of sleep makes provides me with enjoyment. I do hope now that Emma is in her thirties that she will put some serious thought into finding a place of her own, especially now since Snow's palace is overcrowded and loud. I refuse to visit even when I'm invited; it's another attempt on my part of preserving my peace. Also I suspect now that Emma has not one but possibly two suitors; the little frozen Queen has yet to leave. Dear Miss Swan may want to think about her privacy, and a bedroom that Henry can call his own. Also a person cannot carry out a romantic relationship whilst still with their parents. In my case it was fatal, but I won't think about that part of my past one second longer. But in all honesty, what thirty year old would want to continue living with their parents?

It's thoughts like those that make me smile even more while putting the finishing touches on dinner for Henry and I. Being in my kitchen has always been soothing to me; it's tranquil color palette is pleasing on so many levels to me, the curse definitely did a few things more than right with me in mind. But also being here affords me an opportunity to focus on one task at a time, and not often but sometimes the act of preparing a meal takes my mind off other things. Even the time I baked that poisoned turnover I had a smile on my face the entire time and that is a rarity; me smiling in joy and not for spiteful scorn or my personal favorite a nice evil grin.

Having dinner with Henry lately feels like the past few years haven't happened and that's exactly what I want to believe tonight, even though it's far from the truth. I chose a rather nice Malbec to go with the spicy beef dish that I prepared tonight, and it's at that instance that I'm enjoying a healthy sip of wine that sense Henry is about to change the topic. When he abruptly goes silent; this time after pleasantly talking about his friends at school, I've learned that those pauses are cause for alarm.

"Mom, I've been wanting to tell you something but I've been afraid to."

Acquiescing this situation for what it is, I already have a pleasant smile on my face while setting my wine glass on the table. At the same time Henry sets his dinner fork down on the place setting, just like I taught him. I count it a small miracle that a certain person with a fowl surname hasn't ruined all of my efforts.

"You can tell me anything, Henry."

"I didn't like Robin." Henry says and my smile falters and I end up staring at him, but that doesn't seem to faze him. "I only told you that I did for the same reason as I told you that I liked Emma's old boyfriend Walsh. I could see that Robin made you happy for a while, but really all he did was make you angry and miserable and then you took it out on Emma."

I start to interject that Robin is someone that I only want to forget now, since he's gone and gradually it has become something that I'm thankful for.

"Robin was never right for you mom and I'm glad he's gone; he wasn't good enough anyway and plus he was already married." Henry says while picking up his fork off of the place setting. "I didn't buy the whole tattoo deal either; it was too obvious and easy. I mean mom did you ever stop to think that while he might've been your soul mate once upon a time back in the Enchanted Forest, but that was then and this is now. And all that pixie dust stuff it could've just meant that he was supposed to be a close friend to you and not your boyfriend."

I'm beyond tired all of the sudden and I do solemnly wish with all my over-taxed heart that this topic will finally die and stay buried once it's over with.

"Then who is good enough, Henry?"

The seconds seem to stretch out like a vast perspective tunnel and I look on patiently as my son smiles to himself before looking up from his plate. He looks directly into my eyes and his eyes belong to his other mother at this moment.

"Emma."

"What?"

I can hardly believe that this is the second time I've had to digest this lunacy. The difference now being that I've had some time to not give into my immediate revulsion to the idea. This is my son and I don't want to hurt his feelings or dismiss his good intentions. For a second I consider that Henry has been around Gold's shop too long recently, and I admit I was beyond elated when I heard that the self-serving imp had his happy ending revoked from him by none other than Belle herself. I love that I was right for once. However, on the other hand my son believes that his other mother is one-of-a-kind. I know that I with every bone in my body that I will loathe the day where I actually start believing it too.

"Think about it, Mom." Henry says with enthusiasm, thus drawing my complete attention back to our conversation. "There's no one better or good like she is and yes I know that she's not perfect, no one is."

I consider it a good thing that my son is finally starting to realize such a thing as perfect doesn't exist in any realm. I never strove for such a useless and unobtainable notion. I embraced my flaws, built walls of contempt and ruled my unruly kingdom with as much vehemence as I could muster.

"Henry," I begin at his momentary silence but he shakes his head at me.

"Please let me finish." My son says quickly while sitting up straighter in his chair. "Listen, I already love you both and I'm not blind, stupid, crazy or just fourteen. Emma's still trying so hard to win back...your trust."

The hopeful expression on my son's face looks so very much like his mother's. I still see that look when I confessed that I didn't want to kill her. I blame Gold's revelation for that, even though I will never embrace it. I don't think that I can.

"Henry with everything that's happened between Emma and I, it's not exactly what I would call the ideal beginnings of...anything."

"Yes it is!" Henry says and his voice all but radiates his belief in such a thing. "Not all love stories start out as hearts and flowers. Some journeys are painful and full of tests to prove yourself."

"Henry, she...Emma, can't possibly see me as that type of...an option."

Thankfully those words came out mostly clear and not too pained or dripping with obvious distain. It still sounds absurd to me, the notion of The Savior being my True Love, and furthermore those were the only words that I could truthfully say to my son. Because in my private thoughts the whole truth is that no one can love me for who I am. That even you my dearest son; who has the heart of the truest believer, didn't believe that I loved you, and I dare say believed that I was even capable of such a thing. Although it was my kiss that broke the second curse, so apparently Henry just needed time to believe again in me. But no matter how so many things have yet to pass for me, one thing will always be true: I am damaged and I've learned to live with that.

I take a sip of my wine as Henry considers my words; probably gauging their merit just as his other mother would. Even now with Gold's information and if I chose to embrace this nonsense which I won't; not without a fight anyway, and Emma is as stubborn as I am. That and I know that I'm not ready. I may not ever be prepared to woo or be wooed by-I don't even know what to call her anymore, except maybe the spawn of the two idiots?

"Why?" Henry questions earnestly and my previous non-flattering thoughts quickly recede like the tide. "Is it because you're a woman too or is it that you don't want to admit that I'm right, again?"

With what I have learned lately I can agree with Henry about circumstances changing our paths; intended or not, and I should've had that lesson down cold another lifetime ago in a whole other realm. Now when I think of Robin, he reminds me of a leaf in the wind; more than happy to be blown in any direction and more than pleased to land anywhere. Lately, I find myself more than relieved that he took his True Love, small son and left Storybrooke. Gold was right about Robin being done with me but I'm still not eager to find out what else he might be right about. I place my nearly empty wine glass on the table, then I briefly allow my fingertips to graze along the fine linen place setting.

"Mom, aren't you going to answer me...please?"

I smile at Henry because in light of this conversation I can't keep from doing it; he smiles back at me.

"I'll admit to no such thing. Now please eat your vegetables, because there is no doubt in my mind that most of your meals; not had in this house, are solely processed food that only needs to be unboxed. The film poked with a butter knife and then thrown in a microwave."

Henry laughs and spears a fork-full of broccoli; staring at it like he doesn't recognize it anymore, which of course bothers me. A few minutes pass and he sets his fork down again. Please let him not be pressing the Emma issue again.

"Mom, Hook isn't right for Emma either." Henry says and I'm smiling on the inside, because my son apparently hasn't been won over by the pirate as I once thought. "I mean I think he's sort of cool as a friend maybe, but that doesn't mean I want to see him hanging all over my other mother."

I also felt sick many times over during my entire stay in Neverland. To one side I was bombarded by The Charming's and on the other side it was a love-sick, hard up pirate trailing along after The Savior like she was the last female on earth. To him it didn't seem to matter if she was willing. Even though it's hard to tell with Emma, because sometimes I think she chooses to tell people exactly what they want to hear. Regardless of what she feels and where her true motives lie.

"Well, that sight would put me off my appetite too."

Henry laughs which makes me smile again. My son is more than enough for me and this notion of happy endings can wait for all I care, it isn't suddenly required to be a part of my redemption anymore. And as for Miss Swan, she will be perfectly adept at living her life without knowing what I know. Although, I would have to admit to being willfully ignorant to assume that my new knowledge won't affect me the next time I'm forced to be around her.

"Think about what I said Mom." Henry says as cleans his plate and then pushes it away. "I just want you to be happy; you deserve it more than anyone in my opinion. And at least if you don't think you can like Emma in that way, I promise you that she does want to be friends with you because she cares and you know that's true."

I can only offer him a small smile, as I reach for my glass of wine. There aren't any words that I can say that won't hurt my son, and I've already decided that I will find some way to try to forget my True Love in this world. I'm not ready to have some unseen force push me towards someone else again. Emma Swan couldn't be a more unlikely and outright unreasonable choice, were I actually asked this time around. But Gold is right, no one will ever ask for my permission, certainly not Fate. And yet I know in the darkest part of my heart there is truth to what Gold implied. But for now, it's my decision to continue living my life the best way that I can; it's the only elective that I'm capable of in the here and now.


	2. Act II. Someone Must Get Hurt (and it won't be me)

The Enchanted Forest...

My carriage rolls along at a rapid and vigorous pace; like a dark thundercloud, because I decided that when the people see the four horse team that pulls my notorious funeral-esque presence I wanted their first thought to be one of dread. I was forced to accept that I could never earn my kingdoms love, so I will take and nurture myself on their fear of me. Embrace the role, no matter how ill it suits here and there, but at least as the 'Evil Queen' I will never be seen as a victim. Looking through the portal window of the carriage I account the repetitive scenery that passes; endless green forest. Riding in the carriage usually makes me feel as though I'm inside a heart. The constant rumble and strikes of the horse's hooves are in a constant rhythm, and that rhythm is occasionally punctuated by the sounds of my drivers whip.

'Evil' Queen or not I am not like other royalty and not just because I have magic, for I also choose to keep a watchful eye on my lands. Today shows promise, it feels like a weight off my shoulders to not focus my unyielding rage on Snow for a spell. Since her stumble against the gorgon Medusa, I've decided to sit back, turn away from the sickening view of Snow and her sheep herder and in my reprieve another matter gained my attention. Throughout my lands I've heard talk of a coven of murders and cannibals, who lure young maidens and more troublesome the small children that have also met their doom by these same so called people. I won't turn away from such a barbaric acts and it's my intention to take care of the matter today.

The carriage comes to a halt and I open the latch and step out. The humble and foreboding hovel before me plays its part very well; no one would ever stumble here in daylight, so it relies on the cloak of night before it opens it jaws to devour a meal. I grab the sides of my long dark red coat and hold it slightly aloft while I walk towards the entry door. Despite the shape of the building, the door looks solid and sturdy; so once someone is inside escape won't be so easily accomplished. I wave my hand and my magic forces the door open. Stepping inside I close my eyes for a moment to force them adjust to the dimness faster. No fire is lit and the space would pass for abandoned but I know better. So many things in this world are purely meant to deceive.

Walking further into the room I see a bird cage hanging from the low ceiling in the far corner. As I walk closer the bird seems to wake; it ruffles its feathers and shakes its head quickly. I watch it turn its head slightly to the side to get a better look at me. It squawks as if clearing its throat.

'Turn back, turn back, thou pretty bride.

Within this house thou must not abide,

For evil things betide.'

I roll my eyes and sneer at the caged talking bird that might have passed for a raven at one time, "Shows what you know bird, since you clearly don't know who I am."

The scraggily bird with sickly-oily feathers entrapped in the rough wrought iron cage seems to shrink back at my words and that warms me in the most satisfying way. As I've come to know at too well; fear has become the only true coin of my realm, if I'm to hold onto the kingdom that I never wanted to begin with. I gather up the tail of my deep red overcoat and walk past the cage. The disgusting bird seems to molt a few more feathers as I move by its rather putrid smelling cage. But that odor is nothing compared to the stench of death that seems to now rest in the very dirt that this house was built on.

Moving down a narrow passage way I quickly find that it leads to the back of the hovel, and the room ahead turns out to be a rather ghastly kitchen. No traditional meals where ever cooked on the hearth or presented on the two long wooden tables in the room. A small rack of wine adorns the wall near the mantle, but I doubt if it is no better than dirt water from a stream. But it's the faint smell of rot and burnt hair fills my nostrils with every breath, until I choose to simply breathe through my mouth. As I walk closer to the fireplace I summon a fireball in my hand, and then toss it into the scarce kindling that was laid no more than a night ago. The wood becomes engulfed in flames beautifully and begins to crackle under the heat.

The light from the fire brings the small room out of the cold shadows and its then that I see: 'Death will be your spouse' scrawled crudely in soured blood on the adjacent table or I suppose slab is a more fitting term.

Grimacing at the unjust brutality before me I scan the room and then I notice a trap door just at my feet; the bowels to this horrid place. Once more I summon my magic to fling the doors open and they have no choice but to obey. The sounds of splintering wood sounds throughout the room and the door swings up in loud protesting groans. Another smell comes up from what's below, and I gather up my coat again and prepare to descend down the steps. There is only the faintest glimmer of light below; no more than a single candle or perhaps two would be my guess.

Carefully placing my foot on the first wooden step I go into the darkness, and I would be lying to any one listening if I were to say that I wasn't invigorated with each step. At the bottom both of my feet land on bare earthen ground and my footfalls become as silent. The space is confined and on one of the props that holds up the flooring, a small half-burned yellow candle flickers with the drafts. Using my magic I urge the candle to burn brighter and it obeys as much as its dwindling wick will allow. On the ground are three hay beds with grey woolen blankets for cover on each. So this is where they slept and perhaps kept their leftovers.

"Are you lonely too Your Majesty?" A weak gravelly voice calls out from the darkest corner of the room.

I smile wickedly because I can't help it; it will be a cold day in the lowest rung of hell before anyone can put a little fear into me. Moving towards the darkness my eyes gradually adjust and then I see a figure slouched in a chair that rocks. My eyes cannot make out the face, but it is no doubt a woman if the stymied dress and slight frame is any indication.

"Hardly." I say and then the chair's occupant begins to rock. The dim light in the room gives way and reveals the face of an extremely old woman as she leans forward in the rocking chair that creaks from its intended action. "But since you appear to know who I am, surely you must know what I'm here for?"

"To cleanse this place of the evil that it houses?" The old woman replies with a faint lisp. She sounds as if she has no teeth which is strange for a cannibal.

"Something like that." I offer with a smirk while the old woman continues to rock in the decrepit chair that protests her every move, even though she appears to be quite a small, frail thing. "And I require the gold ring from your last victim, the young blonde woman."

"Is your treasury low on funds, Your Majesty?" The old woman teases with a cackle.

I smirk because this crone is amusing but if she continues with her insolence, her entertainment value will become null and void.

"No my funds are secure, and my interest in the trinket is of no concern to you."

The old woman tilts her head sideways, "We have a lovely selection of wines upstairs that will make your heart burst."

"I shall pass on your offer because I personally prefer to rip them out and crush them by hand." I retort harshly in an effort to frighten the old woman.

"What a fearsome woman you are." The old woman says as she rocks back in the chair, which causes it to sound out another long groaning squeak. "But you've come to the wrong place. We...I mean...I don't have any use for fancy jewelry."

At least the old woman is competent enough not to boldly lie to me. She knows that I've seen what's upstairs and that I know what happens in this house isn't fictional stories to scare children who misbehave.

"Hmm," Silently I move closer to her and without warning I will my magic to grasp her throat. She startles and my magic grips her throat tighter in my invisible crushing hold. At this distance I can finally see her eyes; they are a dull brown color, and her face is riddled with marks and spots. I squeeze again and I hear her lungs choke for air. "Who precisely is 'we' and where are they?"

"The others...the bridegroom...and...my son, are...dead...I'm just the cook." The old woman says while struggling to breathe around my invisible chokehold.

The old chair rocks irregularly every time the old woman wriggles; her futile attempt to free herself from my grasp.

"Dead you say, by whom?"

"The guests...the remains...took em'." The old woman wheezes and I marginally loosen my hold. I look into her eyes and I see fear, but it's of a different sort and it's not being caused by me.

"I bet that uprising was a sight to behold." I say while completely releasing the old woman from my magic. She sinks down low in the chair and grasps for air. "I do apologize that I missed what was no doubt an entertaining show." I move closer to the ancient woman. "But that doesn't explain why you're still here."

"I don't eat what we kill!" The old woman says while clutching her throat with her small, boney hands. "But I do love the broth when we make a stew from a fine, fat boy!"

Death is taking too long to fit her into its busy schedule in my opinion.

"You ensnared a young girl, no more than seventeen seasons. There is no reason to pretend as though you don't know who I'm referring to."

The old woman laughs and shifts in the rocking chair, "I wouldn't even dream of pulling the wool over you, Your Majesty. But when the remains tore apart the bridegroom...they took everything that belonged to them and the others too." I stare at the old woman and she begins ringing her hands together. "I'll never forget watching this very floor beneath us both swallowing up..."

"Enough of this!" I interrupt while my magic flares to life in my hands. "The ring if you please or the next time I use magic on you it won't be so gentle."

"I don't have any ring...and I...don't fear the likes of you!" The old woman shouts which then causes her to wheeze, until she coughs a long hacking bark. "Not after what I've seen in my life and last night!"

"So be it then." I say while I summon up the spell that will turn her to no more than a pile of dust.

"Do your worst Your Majesty." The old woman says with a toothless smile. "The fun had to end sometime; everything ends."

With a wave of my hand the old woman all but falls to silt where she sits and then blows away. I turn and walk away from the rocking chair, then willing the candle to explode on my way past and then I ascend the steps at my normal, regal pace. When my boots hit the filthy wooden floor in the kitchen I turn towards the fireplace and urge the flames higher, until they are blazing up the stone chimney. The crackling roar of the fire carries around the room nicely. With a smirk I walk back down the narrow hallway; away from the butcher's kitchen, and out of this forsaken place.

I doubt that my actions will be recognized by the people as protecting them from the nest of thieves and murders that was hidden away in the woods. But then again my life has always been thankless, misunderstood and I have almost given up on the notion that any one person of their own volition will ever choose to know and ultimately understand me. The gold ring that is now lost belonged to one of my Captain's daughter who went missing, and once I learned of her fate I wished to return it to him, if for no other reason than to offer a gesture to ensure his continued loyalty to me. He is one of the few people that has been with my family; my old life, before I became a prisoner, then ruler in the kingdom of White.

Stepping back out in the late evenings failing light I nod to one of my personal guards, and he moves my entourage and carriage away from the hovel. Looking up I see flames shooting out of the chimney. As I move the dried dead leaves mark my every step and after I'm several feet away I turn to face the den that sheltered more depravity than even I could possibly manage, if I were that twisted and inclined. I raise my right hand, palm up. My magic is always a comfort and with little effort I conjure a fireball in my hand, while willing it to a hotter degree than I normally do, and with great relish I fling it at the dilapidated structure before me. The thatched roof ignites and aides the rest of the building to be fully ablaze. The flames almost seem to bellow and roar as they consume their meal, and I feel compelled to stay for a while to witness the feast.

 

Storybrooke...

Weeks later I'm still digesting the idea that my son would suggest his other mother as a potential happy ending. But I think even with his usual best intentions at work, he overlooked an obvious truth. Emma hated me from the start and I responded in kind because I will not back down from any fight. I'm barely capable of liking Emma on a good day, let alone loving her at some point in my life before I'm in the ground. There are so many things about her that I despise and I'm sure her thoughts mirror mine in that regards too. However, all of that is mute as far as I'm concerned. I'm certain that in time I can turn my back on this just like anything else in my life that made no sense to me.

But there is one thing about Emma that I'm in awe of-her power. Such an impressive magical bond that was forged from birth and not brought out by lessons from a dark magic imp. Her pure white magic that for some reason welcomes my dark magic with no reservations. Indeed, I will reluctantly admit that The Savior has worked her magic on me; quite unwillingly at first. I felt her magic the very first time during the wraith attack when we both touched Jefferson's hat, but the time when it affected me the most was during the séance to speak to my mother. Her warmth spread from our joined hands and through my entire body. I had never known such a peace from within in a long time and maybe for the first time ever in my wretched existence.

Lately though if I'm being honest with myself, I've felt even more awful about how I treated Emma in light of the Marian debacle. And using some of Archie's tactics I can say that to the outsider the majority of my attitude towards Emma in the beginning was because I saw her as a threat and she was. Then as things progressed, she became someone that I unconsciously knew that was going to be there regardless. And like so many other people in this adopted realm and the realm of my origin; we take things for granted, people especially. Even though I still loathe her on good days and bad days alike, I have to admit to myself that I missed her during the missing year and when my memories returned I recollected those feelings.

So many thoughts will not be quieted even as I sit in the decadent comfort of my Mercedes. Even in it I'm reminded of my first and only stakeout with Emma. Quite accidently though, when I pulled into my usual parking space across from Grannies something caught my eye before I even killed the ignition. Emma and Elsa. At first I simply didn't want to go in while they were there, but as I waited for them to leave I wound up watching the scene across the street. Both of them are sitting at one of the tables outside near the fence that closes off the restaurant from the sidewalk. Thinking back to that first year I did enjoy having Sidney spy on Miss Swan at the time for me and of course teach him the finer points of playing both sides. Now I suppose that I can attribute my curiosity to knowing, which has made things worse for me lately. Knowledge can be overrated in certain circumstances.

And just like any other day today I feel an involuntary sneer deform my mouth as I watch the two blondes that are sitting so close together and laughing. How can two people who barely know one another be so close? And furthermore Emma is about as closed off emotionally as I am or she was but apparently that part of her personality has evolved lately.

"Oh Emma!" I say in a higher voice while clutching my hand to my chest. "You're so funny and oh my have you noticed my cleavage in this dress? The blue really brings out the freezer burn in my eyes."

I roll my eyes and scoff at the young Queen of Arendelle. She's far too wholesome to purposely have the tops of her breasts pop out every now then. I was never ashamed of my regal cleavage and those many sets of wandering eyes that it all but slayed without me having to lift a finger. I miss those outfits sometimes, mostly my dark red velvet dress with the lace that somewhat covered yet enhanced the proper feminine areas of my body.

I feel the urge to mock Elsa and her blondeness aloud for my own amusement again, but a firm knock on the passenger side window startles me. I manage to only jump slightly in my seat, before I turn to see who the hell is busting up my personal brand of entertainment. And of course it had to be her; a pixie cut wasn't my best choice when I thought cutting off Snow's hair would be fun, that plan was shot to hell too. I resist the urge to roll my eyes while hitting the switch to roll the window down.

"Regina, what are you doing just sitting in the car alone?" Mary Margaret says in her usual overly joyful tone and she of course doesn't give me a chance to answer which suits me. "I feel like I haven't spoken to you in ages."

My distaste for Snow has significantly dwindled these last few years. Actually what helped me along the most was when she finally admitted; not so long ago, that she's essentially done dirt too like the rest of us mere imperfect mortals.

"I've been busy trying to reacquaint myself with being mayor again." I say pleasantly even though I'm lying because I could do the job whilst under a damn sleeping curse.

Snow chuckles and leans down to rest her arms on the doorframe of my car, "I tried to not leave you with too much of a mess to inherit." She says while leaning further down and I briefly think about trying to roll her head up in the window. "To be honest though Regina, I'm also one of those people who are glad that you're back in charge again."

"Thank you." I say with a genuine smile and then I notice Snow's focus shift to the scene directly across the street.

"So...Regina are you spying on Emma again?"

I grip the steering wheel tightly for a second, "I realize my car isn't exactly covert, therefore why in the hell would I sit in it and then try to pretend that no one could see me?"

Snow laughs which makes me feel like slapping her, just for old time's sake.

"I miss your sarcasm when I'm having a not so good day." Mary Margaret says with a smirk. "You really need to accept one of my dinner invitations Regina, if not for anything else than to annoy David for my amusement and no doubt yours."

I laugh lightly because disturbingly I can't keep from it.

"I'll think about it Snow."

"Good." Mary Margaret says with a smile and I'm reminded of Emma when I glance at her green eyes. "And while I full well know that you've been trying to make up time with Henry; since you lost a whole year, we haven't wanted to intrude but you both need to visit, soon."

I must have slipped into another realm because Snow White just admitted that she intrudes where she's not wanted. But more importantly, it's upsetting when I think about missing out on an entire years of my son's life. More often than not I get angry when I think back on how Emma was going to quietly take Henry away from me again by running back to New York. I suppose one of these days I may thank Hook for seeing that Emma didn't follow through with her plans, since she apparently stayed to date him. I find that Miss Swan has as poor taste in men as I do, but at least the one that truly mattered wasn't forced on me by someone else like the other two. Hence why I'm not all that 'happy' about Miss. Swan possibly being forced on me by Fate.

"Well, I won't keep you any longer." Mary Margaret says and I snap out of my thoughts abruptly. "Oh, and please stop avoiding Emma...she misses you too and she needs your help still, you know...with magic."

"I haven't been," I start but Snow squints her eyes and shakes her head; not a good look for her, but it successfully forces me to abandon my feeble attempt to lie.

"Yes you have but it's alright, I understand."

"Just what is that supposed to mean?"

Mary Margaret smiles at me; like she's finally found a secret that she can keep, before she leans out of the open window and starts backing away from my car.

"Wait Snow!" I say loudly while trying to unbuckle my seat belt. It seems to be stuck and I consider cursing it with profanity. I look up from my battle with the restraint that exists for my safety to see Miss. Blanchard has already managed to gain some distance between us. "Get back here!"

"Bye Regina!" Mary Margaret shouts and after finally getting my seat belt unfastened, I resign myself to glaring in the rearview mirror at Snow until she disappears inside Marco's hardware store.

'At least now I know where Emma gets her butchness from.' I say aloud to myself. Then looking back across the street I see that little Miss. All-Dressed-Up-With-Nowhere-To-Go finally got up and went.

Finding ways to amuse myself and reestablish boundaries is going to be a two for one special today. I open the door and step out of my car with a smirk cemented on my face and regally swagger towards Granny's. I know that Emma will speak to me. She has been very persistent in regards to ensuring a friendship with me; God and I have a clue as to why, but that doesn't mean I have to completely like it. I've made a tenuous peace with what Miss. Swan may or may not be to me. Her continued love of that infernal red leather jacket makes it easier for me most days. Sure we work magic together quite well, but that does not mean that we would be compatible in other areas; that truth is self-evident to me.

"Hey." Emma says as I pass by her table near the disgustingly clichéd white and green painted picket fence, right alongside the equally trite trellis entryway.

I swear some parts of the curse did not consult with me when some parts of this town were designed. I stop abruptly and then turn slightly to address her.

"What?" I say tersely because I can and damn well want to.

"Still pretty bent, huh?" Emma says while standing up from her chair. "You know, I thought we had put all that mess behind us and yet you keep acting all pissed in my general direction."

I turn around briskly and walk up to Emma; silently pleased that my boots with heels make me taller than her. However, just as I stop inside her personal space I feel my magic awaken without calling it, both the light and dark in me.

"I most certainly am not bent or pissed as you say, but I am truly sorry that I just missed Storybrooke's first annual blonde convention; Ashley will also be upset." I say while moving entirely into Emma's personal space. "Now more importantly, tell me are you looking to expand the chapter to include those whose coloring comes from a bottle and perhaps they may even have brains supplied by Mattel?"

Emma scoffs and I feel as though a petty win is better than none at all. Even though as of now I am fully aware that I could liken myself to the bully that teases that one girl on the playground, because I secretly and begrudgingly like her. But in my case I will say it's against my will, or maybe I'm simply getting good at lying to myself too.

"Nice." Emma admonishes while narrowing her eyes at me. Such a lovely mix of green and blue; thankfully not completely her mother's, but rather a mixture of the two idiots combined.

"I do try to be sometimes, dear." I say while noting Emma's now wandering eyes; she's taking in my outfit for the day which pleases me.

This morning I suddenly felt that my own much more stylish, sexy black leather jacket and fitted black pants would command and over power the aesthetics of a woman who has an affinity for red leather and constricted jeans that appear to be painted on.

"Right...you do know that I've met your alter ego too Regina." Emma snaps and I would be blind to miss the way her pupils react to her rushed statement, but at the same time I would never deny that sometimes I choose to let a little evil out to spice up my wardrobe. "I saw the whole living life in leather look too, and the out there cleavage and what I can only think to call fierce bitch cover-up." She says with her combination of a smirk and frown. "I bet that image must've struck fear and awe among what you probably dubbed as 'the simpletons'."

I've always enjoyed riling up the Sheriff and I don't want to see the day that I can't obtain any satisfaction from that small act alone. The fire in her eyes towards me has changed though through the years. And I should know because I saw it up close in that storeroom at the hospital all those years ago, when I made one of the biggest mistakes in this life, so far.

"Fierce bitch cover-up? Well I suppose that is one of the more creative ways of looking at it." I concede with a smirk which makes Emma's mouth turn down at the corners in a delightful frown. "Although, the only other option at the time for a woman in power was the virginal look and I could never abide by it, that's your mother's forte."

"Have good evening, Regina." Emma says flatly while turning away from me. "I'm going to see my so-not-virginal mother now, before I call it a day, so I'll see you around."

"Give my best to Snow and to your other winter-themed friend who is squatting here in my town." I say to Emma's retreating form with only a bit of added volume, and she pauses at the entry gate but doesn't turn or acknowledge my words in any other fashion.

I'm the newly reappointed mayor; after Snow's brief tenure, but Storybrooke will always be my creation whether I sit in its highest office or not. I frown for a moment until I school my features into a more neutral state, and then I make my way into the diner. Unlike before my entrance is barely noticed by those inside and for an instance I can't decide whether to be happy or offended by that, perhaps I will settle for a bit of both. Now that the curse has been broken twice, I find that I rather miss the diner patrons leering after a particular colorful waitress. Gone are the insanely short skirts and red streaks in her hair, but even without all of those additions Miss Lucas is still very striking. I realize that I had always given her a small helping of trouble in our old land; via Snow, but in truth I've always admired the natural born power that she possesses. People have called me a monster, but Red Riding Hood can actually manifest into something fearful. And it's fitting that the woman behind the wolf is sickeningly sweet while being unnaturally beautiful.

"Madam Mayor," Ruby greets me with a smile and I smile in return. "Sit anywhere you like."

Back when the first curse was new I always sat at the bar, but as time wore on I moved around in vain effort to add variety to my monotonous days. But this evening I feel like sitting at the bar, on my old stool.

"What can I get you?"

"Tea, please."

After situating myself on the familiar stool I lean up against the counter and in a rare graceless fashion, I place both of my elbows on the countertop and slouch more than I usually do.

"You want me to add a little something extra to that tea?" Ruby says and I look up at her to see her wide and friendly smile.

I chuckle and reach for my tea, "No thank you. It's a little too early in the evening for me to be imbibing anything with a kick."

"Alright...Regina."

The tea smells inviting and as I blow across the rim before taking that first sip I realize that my server has remained. Tentatively, I take a small sip and afterwards I start to say something to Miss. Lucas, to ask if there's something wrong; she seems to be studying me, and its then that I'm reminded that she's a werewolf and is very much in tune with a world beyond my grasp.

"Hey, I know it's not my place to say anything but..." Ruby begins but then stops and it's as if she is listening to things far off or merely having second thoughts on what she wishes to say to me. "So...was Emma pushing your buttons again or were you just having fun pushing her's?"

That sentence almost makes me sputter into my tea and I look at her with what I hope is a blank mask, subtlety colored by annoyance.

"I'm kidding, Regina."

I smile and place my tea down on the countertop, "It's quite alright but remind me if you prefer Ruby or Red?"

The werewolf smiles at me and I'm reminded of exactly how attractive the woman known as Red Riding Hood is, and that also includes the powerful being that is a part of her. I have always respected Miss Lucas even though she has always been Snow's closest and most trusted friend. I chose her cursed name but I did not choose to make her cursed self 'loose' for lack of a better word.

"Ruby is good; you should remember that by now." She says while shifting her weight slightly from foot to foot. "Red works for the Enchanted Forest and that is neither here nor there."

I nod and look down into my tea for a moment. Ruby lingers behind the counter just in front of me, but it doesn't bother me. I have no wish to be dismissive towards her today. Looking up from my cooling tea I meet her bright green gaze and I'm caught off guard by the amount of compassion that is on display.

Ruby leans down closer to me, "You know when the first curse broke I never thanked you, or even when we were sent back to the good old EF when the second one hit." She says softly. "I guess I was afraid to."

"Thank me?"

"Yes, because I didn't have to worry about the wolf for twenty-eight years." Ruby says with a nervous smile. "I was free from its burden and for me that was a blessing."

I hardly know what to say since no one will probably ever say such a thing to me ever again. Not that I've expected gratitude for cursing people to forget who they really are.

Ruby laughs lightly, "You don't have to say anything, so I'll just leave you to enjoy your drink now." She moves her elbows off the countertop and stands up to her full height. "Earlier, I was going to say that I hope you and Emma are getting along better, even with Elsa here. I think that her and Emma have gotten close too. I mean they do have a lot in common and personally I'm glad that Emma's made another magical friend. Being able to talk with your own kind is a blessing too; believe me I know."

So it's true that Emma is more than friendly with Elsa and where was I? Pining away for a married man when I should've been pulling said 'pine' needles out of my ass and getting on with my life.

I force myself to smile, "Yes, being around people who understand you and can relate to you is rare."

"Well, I'm gonna go for real this time before Granny starts yelling at me to get my tail moving."

"Thank you for the tea, Ruby."

"You're welcome, Regina."

While I sip my tea the memory of Robin crossing the line with Marion and Roland finds its way into my thoughts. It didn't hurt me really, it was the act of someone leaving me again and that will always sting, no matter who they are or what they meant to me. Looking back all I feel is that I wasted my time on a seemingly widowed yet married man, who still talked of his formerly dead wife and carted his child around on his whims. It's a trope that sounds so familiar to me and I already endured it once in another realm. God, how could I let myself make the same mistake twice now? Maybe I'm as much of an idiot as Emma and her whole family is sometimes. On second thought to be fair they are idiots all the time in my estimation, clarity and common sense are rare among their breed.

As I sit and enjoy my tea the other diner patrons come and go; so many new faces that I don't recognize, and some that I do. After my tea goes cold and loses its flavor I decide that it's time to go home. I leave Ruby a generous tip. As I close the door to the diner behind me I take in account that the day is done and a rapidly cooling night has taken over. My breath fogs with each exhalation while I reach into my coat pocket and pull out my red leather gloves. I look down at them and chuckle. So much for my distain since out of all the color options when buying leather gloves, it's funny that I chose the color that I've deemed tasteless. While pulling on my gloves I arrive at the conclusion that my life will always be more bitter than sweet. And with each day that passes since Gold's big reveal it seems to me that I shouldn't have been the least bit surprised. So many subtle and not so subtle memories have replayed over and over in my mind.

One that began to stand out to me most was the time Emma defied her parents, again. She invited me that that welcome home party for Mary Margaret essentially; everyone ignored me, like so many times before in my life. And people wonder why I went bad, to that I say: 'If you're already being punished you may as well earn it properly.' That night I overheard Emma defending me to her parents, but nothing changed. And after I had hit my absolute limit of being surrounded by Snow and her minions, I left because it was another reminder of all my shortcomings. Things I will never live up to and things that I will never live down. I can't honestly recall what I was feeling when I realized that Emma had followed me out of the diner, but I know exactly how I felt when she told me the invitation was solely because of Henry. Then I bargained with her for time, time to spend with my son; who is all I have left in this world, and she denied me.

A deep, tired sigh escapes past my lips as I reach into my coat pocket and pull out my car keys. It's been a long day and I'm past wanting to put a pin in that memory, but while walking to my car another memory hits home. I remember now what that small golden ring was at Gold's those months ago. I had a simple gold ring of my own once and it meant more to me than anything. But Gold's ring was a duty that I didn't fulfill to someone who was loyal to me throughout it all, not unlike Emma when she wasn't letting her incompetent parents lead her around by the nose. I still want to smack Emma for believing a dog over me; it honestly reeked of her parent's judgment more than hers, that a canine of all things had more credibility than me. But to keep myself sane I've decided that The Savior is going to have to show me something more, if she's to ever turn my head and my heart. In the meantime, confrontation is our business and business will be booming if I have anything to say about it and I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: [Enchanted Forest: "Sympathy For The Devil" by The Rolling Stones, "Hail To The King" by Avenged Sevenfold, "Passive" by A Perfect Circle] & [Storybrooke: "Let Yourself Go" by Green Day, "Float On" by Modest Mouse, "My Wave" by Soundgarden]
> 
> Fowl Smelling Foot Note: The beginning sequence was inspired by a 'Unrated' Brothers Grimm tale.


	3. Act III. What I Want

Storybrooke: Present Day...

Emma awoken my magic and now that I have light and dark magic, both call out to hers, growing stronger with each brush. When I avoid her for an extended period of time I feel angry, and I know that it's my magic's impatience towards me and my reluctance. But after knowing all these months I can honestly say that I'm all but worn down. I know who holds the key to my happy ending and I swore to myself I would ignore the lure of such a promise because of who it was tied to. Still, I don't think I can resist much longer, especially since I'm almost certain that the disgusting pirate is out of the picture. And to add incentive it's a known fact that the young, single Ice Queen has finally gone back to her own realm with her highly sought after little sister in tow.

I have not handled having no competition for Emma's attention though any better, not that I require her attention beyond issues regarding our son. In fact I dare say we have fought more but maybe like with her mother, perhaps it's necessary to air out all of our grievances so we can get on with our lives and to insure that she remain a respectable distance from me. Emma continues to try and ingratiate herself in my life even more. Who knew that The Savior would bother with worrying about my welfare? Despite my extra surliness my relationship with Emma seems to be indestructible. After all it has managed to run on like a willful stallion who refuses to be tamed by anyone's hand.

While once more entertaining thoughts of a Swan, I wipe out the sink basin with the dishcloth before I wring it out and lie down on the countertop to dry. I notice the time; it's getting late, and just as I'm about to head to the living room where Henry is I hear the T.V. turn off. It makes me smile knowing that Emma didn't ruin him too much while he was in her care in New York. Unpredictably though, he comes in to the kitchen where I am. For a few seconds he says nothing, instead he pulls out the stool under the island and sits down.

"You should be getting ready for bed."

"Mom, are you going to turn down Mary Margaret again this weekend for dinner?" Henry says, completely ignoring my statement.

I turn from the sink and lean down to rest my elbows on the island, "No, I assured her that I would accept this weekend."

"Cool." Henry says with an eager smile and then after a beat it widens. "So have you talked to Emma yet?"

This would be a good time to start lying to my son. But a promise is a promise and keeping one to him should be easy, even if it's the hardest thing that I've ever done. God forbid if he ever found out about the True Love business, then he most likely would revert to thinking that I'm the Evil Queen.

"We've spoken."

"Oh come on Mom, it's been months and she's single now." Henry says while slouching against the island's countertop. "And I know that you've stopped being mad about the Robin Hood thing months ago."

I will not snap at my son, even though I witnessed Emma do that very thing once.

"Henry, I won't have everyone making a mockery of me if I ever asked Miss Swan on a single date and she said no, or worse yet that she said yes and we fought the entire time because we simply aren't compatible."

"Mary Margaret knows, David knows, everybody knows!" Henry shouts while suddenly sitting up straight on the stool and I can feel myself want to come unglued. "Even if Emma's not your true love, she's still the best option in this place and you two are great together! Why can't you see that?"

I know that my magic has never been more alive than when I perform it alongside Emma and I have never felt more alive either. And on a personal note I don't care what everyone and the two idiots especially think they know about me.

"Henry, I know that you want two parents and you have that, you've always had that in one form or another." I offer wholeheartedly because I tried my best to be everything that he needed, but I fell short of his expectations.

Henry tilts his head to the side and I recognize it as a mannerism of his other mother's, "Mom, it's not...I mean I know that. But you could have more, we both could and I'm not going to be a kid forever. We're running out of time here."

I know what my son is driving at and he's right, but no act of desperation has ever served me well. And perhaps I think that its arrogant that all my problems will just be cured by running to The Savior. The only person I had ever chased before was Snow and I was trying to end her. I ran to Robin like he was the answer to the riddle of my life and it only served to be another round of unnecessary misery for me. I will not run after anyone ever again, if I can keep from it.

"Emma won't wait much longer." Henry says softly and I feel my heart perform an unnatural act for two beats. "And once I'm grown and off to college, she'll leave and then you'll be alone again and I don't want that for you."

I want to tell Henry that nothing will change for me and that is my fated curse, its sound reasoning to me since I haven't been able to escape anything; one realm or another, and yet the same thing keeps happening. But I won't say those words to him; instead I tell him that I love him and that if he still wants me to attend dinner with his Grandparents than he had better consider getting ready for bed right now. He complies with something that resembles a grunt before he slides off the stool. I swear he's becoming more like Emma and by that I mean some of her unfortunate mannerisms.

"I know that you feel something for Emma." Henry announces resolutely as he stops at the threshold of our kitchen. On any other day I would feign ignorance, but not today and not that I'm ready to acknowledge such a thing outside of my thoughts.

I walk towards him and flip off the lights in the kitchen, "Henry, I'm far too tired for this discussion."

"Well I'm not."

I turn sharply to glare at my son who is almost taller than me now, and without my heels he is. It seems like in less than a blink he was just a tiny baby who had reservations about the mother who chose him, wanted him.

"Henry, I really do not wish our evening to end on a sour note, because I simply have no patience left for this topic tonight."

"Deflecting is pretty close to lying mom and you don't have to do that with me." Henry says while he reaches for my hand. "Remember that day at the duck pond; the day I told you about Walsh." He asks, I nod and meet his searching gaze and in that moment I know my son has seen right through me, then before I can think of another proper deflection from this topic. "Mom, it's the way you said his name. It was like it was going to make you sick or something. I've thought about that day a lot since I got my memories back."

When my old memories returned and mingled with my new ones all I've felt was confusion and more loss. But before I can refute his claims my son's expression changes drastically.

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." I say while squeezing his hand in mine. "There is nothing wrong with Emma other than her horrible fashion sense."

I don't say and her attitude, manners and basically I have a complete list that I've compiled in my mind. Henry smiles briefly.

"No, I'm not apologizing about pushing Emma on you." Henry says; his voice beginning to waver. "I'm sorry for how I treated you before the first curse broke."

"Henry."

"I know that I apologized that day on the line, but it's not enough. Mom, I need you to know that I've never stopped loving you but I did stop believing in you and I'm sorry for that."

I know that I'm crying but I don't see it as a weakness to do such a thing in front of my son, who is the person that I love the most and he always will be.

"Even when I didn't know that you were my Mom, I wanted to be around you. And I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were never enough. You're more than enough."

He lets go of my hand and I pull him into a tight hug, "I love you no matter what. But thank you and I accept your apology."

"I love you too."

Henry gradually lets go of me and my heart feels different. I wonder if some of the darkness has faded. But I'm not about to rip it out of my chest again to see it, I know what feel is more important than what I can see. My son moves away from me and goes towards the staircase.

"Goodnight Mom." Henry says while offering me a small smile before he starts up the stairs.

As I stand there in the semi-darkness of my home, wiping tears from under my eyes it becomes apparent to me that I can embrace the act of accepting my True Love but only on a single condition. All it would require is one meaningful apology from The Savior that would be enough for me. But until that happens my subpar happy ending in waiting can go to Hell in a flaming basket with or without a bow.

 

The occasional sounds of a fork scraping lightly against Emma's plate were the only times I glanced in her direction. Snow talked endlessly about going back to teaching and I must say that she is we suited for entertaining children. Since any adult with a moderate I.Q. would fall asleep listening to her. David truly is her match; he is equally dull. But I did enjoy needling him on whether or not he is going to shepherd Bo Peep's wayward flock. Everyone laughed to my amazement, even the man who I direct the barb at. As for the littlest Charming he of course woke and demanded his dinner. For a few seconds I was afraid the Snow might breastfeed him at the dinner table. Thankfully, she didn't because that is a sight I could never unsee and I know that I would be irreparably traumatized by it.

I admit that Snow can actually cook and when David wasn't giving me polite yet wary side-eyes the atmosphere was tolerable. Overall, the dinner didn't resemble an unusual and subtle form of torture too much. I suspect Snow has shared whatever it is that she thinks she knows about Emma and I to her husband. This time around though the thought of Snow's mouth flapping doesn't bother me. I find that in itself satisfying to say the least, because I'm finding out that having even a small peace of mind isn't overrated. I offered very little in the way of conversation. I don't think anyone's all that interested in what I have to say on most days, so why would this little dysfunctional family get together be any different. It was also an experience being around a silent Emma Swan who surprisingly exhibited passable table manners intermittently.

"Mom, I'm going to do my homework." Henry says while pushing his chair back from the table. "Then I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight dear, I'll see you tomorrow."

I'm all too aware that my son is clearing the path so to speak, but I don't pay his motivations any heed because he stops to hug me before running upstairs. I love that Henry hugs me like he used to.

"I'll check on you later, kid." Emma says while wiping he mouth with a napkin. Her plate looks as though it has been washed already; at least she doesn't waste food.

Henry moves around the table to hug Emma as well. He's almost taller than Emma too and with each day I see a masculine representation of her features on his face. After Henry leaves the room, Snow gets up and starts clearing the table; David follows her example. Now that I've been pleasant and more than accommodating I want out of this loft more than a rat wants off a sinking ship.

"I could use something sweet." David says and for a second I fear he's preparing to proposition Snow in front of me and his daughter too. "Do we have any ice cream left?"

"I'll check." Snow says with a smile.

I clear my throat before the two idiots start looking deeply into each other's eyes with longing, or something else that would cause me to evacuate the food I just ate through my mouth.

"Regina, would you and Emma like some dessert too?"

"Ice cream, sure I have room for some." Emma says with a smirk.

Not even pretending to wait for my answer or in this case my polite decline, Snow complies with her beloved's and daughter's request. I swiftly get out of my chair and follow Snow into her kitchen, and I could've sworn that I heard David chuckle before he said that he was going upstairs to check on Henry. By God, the layout of Snow's home has absolutely no illusion of privacy.

"We never finished our chat last week." I say with blatant apprehension and Snow's head quickly turns towards me. "I'm still somewhat in the dark about what you seem to know so much about."

Snow shakes her head and smiles but her smile quickly fades. I braced myself for this before I even knocked on the door tonight and I'm prepared for what's about to be laid at my feet or even an attempt to shove something unsavory down my throat.

"Regina, I can't stand the idea of my only daughter dating that pirate." Snow confesses after a short silence, as she opens the door to one of her cupboards and removes some small bowls. "But there doesn't seem to be anyone else who is interested in her."

The woman couldn't be more obvious than a hen cackling after laying an egg. I inhale sharply and move closer to the countertop, alongside Snow.

"And you're telling me this because you want to go back to the good old days where I used to braid your hair while I told you pretty lies?"

Snow makes a face, "I swear sarcasm is the only language that you speak."

I stare at Snow and she narrows her eyes at me in return. Emma does the exact thing sometimes too. Leaning against the countertop I continue our stare down until Snow relents with a roll of her eyes and walks towards the refrigerator, then opens the door looking for our promised ice cream. She's still a worthwhile adversary but she will always be an idiot in my opinion.

"What do you really think about Emma?"

Snow's voice is subdued but I heard it as clear as a bell tolling next to my eardrum.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Regina!" Snow sounds so wonderfully frustrated as she shuts the door of her vintage refrigerator. "We're out of ice cream."

"Well, I guess I should be going then."

"We aren't done talking, Regina."

I smirk at Snow, "Indeed, but you know what they say about turnabout being fair play."

"Emma!" Snow shouts and her daughter's head springs up off the table; clearly napping, how typical. "You're father and I are going out to get some ice cream. Watch your brother and keep Regina company until we get back."

I start to go towards the door and collect my coat off Snow's ramshackle rack, but her hand on my forearm halts my escape attempt before I can even clear her kitchen island.

"Regina, you are the most loyal and devoted person I've ever met." Snow says quietly and if I weren't standing so close I would've missed it. "Loyal and devoted to a fault actually, but my daughter could benefit from someone like that in her life." I start to pull my arm from her grasp but she squeezes my arm gently. "Even if it's just as a friend and nothing more. You have mine and David's blessing if you and Emma decide to want more from one another."

Looking into Snow's eyes, which are a bright-shining green from unshed tears, causes the most complicated mixture of emotions in me. This moment reminds me of that time in my kitchen after the séance, the night I ran to Robin, after a classic Mary Margaret/Snow pep talk. But at the same time this feels so different and right now I don't know if I should be laughing or crying at what I feel. Snow releases my arm and goes upstairs to collect David where he no doubt decided to hide with Henry. I consider transporting the hell out of here as I quickly move towards the coat rack to collect my over coat, but that becomes a futile notion when I hear Emma behind me. I sigh and leave my coat where it hangs and turn to face the music that saves people.

"I can survive without dessert, Emma."

"I know but Snow wants to spend some more time with you." Emma says as she moves a bit closer; stretching slightly, and I'm all but waiting for her to start rubbing the 'sleep' out of her eyes. "And hey, it's not like its super late or anything."

Just as I'm about to make a more compelling argument to flee from this place; Snow and her Prince come down the iron steps. They both offer me a smile as they collect their coats by the door. I miss the days when I wanted them both to suffer, but those days are long gone along with most of my best ire.

"It will only take fifteen minutes at most, Regina." Snow says while David helps her into her coat. "I would love it if you will still be here when we get back."

"I make no promises." I say with a smirk because I will vacation on the moon first, before the day on the calendar is invented where I choose to obey even a small request from Snow White.

As the door shuts behind the two idiots the room is sucked in to a vacuum state. Even though I know Henry is just upstairs and the littlest Charming is drooling away in his crib in Snow's bedroom, it feels as if Emma and I are alone in a bubble of sorts. Any other time I would have some snark to dole out but I can't very well resort to that yet. I step further away from the door and move towards the stairs; retreating to Henry's side is the only plan I have as of now.

"I saw you that day."

I stop dead in my tracks at the foot of the stairs and turn around so that I can glare at Emma. She looks off to the side and I will commend her for at least having the decency to look guilty. I have a good idea about what day she is attempting to talk about, but that is a conversation I will not have with her.

"And just what day are you referring to exactly?"

"Uh, a couple of months ago...where me and Henry used to meet; his old castle, before it was torn down."

I hate being right sometimes. There is no privacy for me, not in this realm and it certainly wasn't allowed in the other either.

"You could've easily kept that to yourself and I wouldn't have been none the wiser." I say while trying to swallow my rising anger and the stirrings of my magic, both of which are because of The Savior.

"I know but I thought we were getting back to being friends again." Emma says lowly and swear those eyes of hers are trying to bewitch me. "You looked hurt and it made me feel bad for you."

I scoff at Emma, "How self-less of you to respect my privacy in one of my more vulnerable moments."

"Regina, I was out on patrol." Emma says with a sigh. "And I meant what I said before; about being there for you." She pauses and moves marginally closer to me. "I've wanted to tell you for a while now that I never meant what I said to you and about you in front of Elsa while you were cursed...the whole spiel about Killian. I mean he's kind of a nice guy, but I will never love him on any degree of the bloated fairy tale standards."

Why is it that everything that comes out of Emma's mouth about someone else eventually tracks back to some facet of her life? Oh right, it's because she's a self-absorbed Charming.

"Just talk to me Regina." Emma says as she jams both hands in the pockets of her too tight jeans. "I'm not here to judge you."

I smirk and repress the urge to say: 'Of course you're not, dear.' However, if Emma wants a dialogue with me then she'll have it but on my terms.

"I wasn't always a monster, but even so I have days that I react as any person would when they're overwhelmed." I state forcefully while trying to keep my voice down; Henry doesn't need to hear any of this, and I really don't want to stir Neal out of his slumber. "But I know that very few people may actually believe that about me without hard evidence and several living witnesses."

"I know that now." Emma says with apprehension. "You gave me your memories; some you probably didn't mean to."

Briefly I wonder if it's my memories or if Emma's magic has finally uncovered our link. At least for now I can choose to remain indifferent towards the magical pull of my so-called True Love.

I grip the iron railing that leads up to Emma's bedroom. I can't believe I'm going to say this but, "I don't care what you may have seen about me through my memories. I'm tired of defending all of my actions and my nature. People don't change and forcing someone to change to fit another person's ideal mold is horrific." Emma tries to remain stoic but my dose of truth has widened those green eyes. "The change people see in me, the change I've embraced is but the other side of my personality that I buried and only recently had any interest in resurrecting. Everything I've ever done was for someone else, even my grand curse was really doing Rumple's bidding. I've been used my whole life and I allowed it, whether I knew it for what it was at the time or not. But the point is that I know now and I will not be letting that scenario repeat any longer."

Emma chooses to grace me with a small smile and then she slowly removes her hands from her pockets. It almost feels like she wants to reach out and touch me, and I don't want that under any circumstances now. I let go of the railing and move away from Emma, back towards Snow's imitation of a dining room table.

"Regina," Emma starts but then stops and I decide to finish this once and for all.

I turn to face Emma, "Hence my motivation when I was so eager to show you what a lecherous charlatan Hook is, when I all but manipulated you into looking across the realms by using your mother's mirror." I continue in a steady tone and watch as Emma's expression sours. "I wanted you to see what I already knew about him: that he's a liar and is only interested in getting what he thinks deserves."

Emma seethes and for an instance I feel my thoughts wanting to lead my mouth, to says things like: I don't want to even think about him caressing you with that deadly weapon he calls a hand. I never understood how you could just embrace him on the blind faith, that you couldn't bring yourself to extend to me. And yet since the first curse broke I've never denied what I truly am and will always be, but I will not let those words slip past my lips. The Savior seems to be rendered mute and I must say it's about damn time but I know it won't last. Oddly, I hope it doesn't last because I need the conflict and by the look on her face I think I shall have it.

"I saw something different in you while we were in Neverland and I thought things between us had become clear; we both acknowledged that Henry was our son and he is." I say while watching Emma try to reign in her own anger. "Not the sperm donors and certainly not Hook's and all his other pathetic attempts to weasel his way into your undergarments."

"Is that what he was doing?"

"Don't play dumber Miss Swan. I want to give you more credit than that."

"What's so wrong with Killian?"

"What isn't? And for the record I despised Hook long before he was making sad, longing doey eyes at you." I say flatly because I really don't care who she is doing 'missionary work' with. But then again a little prodding could get me an unbiased reaction. "However since we are on the subject of Captain Guyliner, tell me are you that desperate Miss Swan that you will throw having standards out the window? Or perhaps you just enjoy having a brand of swine at your beck and call when you feel the need for a little sausage?"

Emma narrows her eyes at me and I find it extremely satisfying, "You're one to talk but to answer you; no, not really. Killian has slowly but surely got on my nerves!" She replies loudly and I shush her which makes her frown, but hopefully she will lower her voice. "For God's sake Regina, do you think that I somehow missed the fact that he fucked Neal's mother over and over again."

"Crudely phrased but no less right, dear."

Emma sighs and it's rather amusing to watch her try to decide what to do with her hands, until she finally decides to cross them over her chest. While I appreciate her honest and direct thoughts on the pirate for once, I need things to veer in a different direction. Plus I can feel that my magic is strongly starting to recognize what it's rapidly deeming as its other half.

"Too bad about the yearning Captain then." I say with a smirk. "I bet that all he wanted in this world was to be able to roll over anytime his mast was up and have at it."

I can feel Emma's magic now as much as mine; she's incredibly mad. I consider adding in a few more barbs such as: That means a one night stand wouldn't suffice and did you want to sleep with that pirate even once? But her silence speaks volumes right now and I get the feeling that Emma is just as tired of fighting with me as she is angry. She seemed so much happier when we were civil to one another. However, I see no point yet in altering the status quo.

"Furthermore, I can't understand why in the hell did you lead him on or better yet why even kiss him, Miss Swan?" I ask, wanting to provoke something out of her. Even though I'm not certain that I actually want the unfiltered answer. "Not only do I not do rum, but I wouldn't put my lips near anything that has touched his."

Emma just shrugs and then I feel all that incensed magic of hers recede, which makes me want to throw something at her, "Like you've said before Regina...I do impulsive, idiotic things sometimes."

As of now the object that I wish to hurl at her is a fireball. This new passive-aggressive version of Emma is infuriating and I intensely hate that she barely manages to even look at me. Is it so wrong that I wanted to get a genuine emotional display from The Savior? This proves that it's foolish of me to think that even if I were to lower my walls and turn on my brand of charm that things would just change. This is why I would rather ignore the pull and just bicker with her for sport. Emma doesn't do relationships; Hook doesn't count. And I'm too far gone for flings that would only hurt someone far more important than me-Henry. I don't wait up for ice cream, instead I transport from the Charming's loft; my nice coat arriving separately after I summon it to me in my living room.

 

Why did I drink with her? Maybe I've imbibed more than a fair amount of alcohol which has led to this prime example of poor judgement. God I wish she would shut up and leave me alone already. I fumble in my purse for my keys but I can't find them so I wave my hand at my door locks and open them by magic. If I accidently destroyed my locks I'll get them replaced tomorrow.

"Are you still here?" I say while pushing my front door open and step over the threshold. Emma is still standing on my porch and she's as tipsy as I am. "Thank you for walking me home but now you can run along to your pirate or your new friend; you pick, because I don't care."

"Oh get off your throne already, Regina." Emma says while pulling on the front of her hideous red leather jacket. "Elsa is the best friend I've had in a long time and not that it's any of your business, but I'm not attracted to her."

I feel like there was a 'yet' left unspoken at the end of that sentence.

"You cannot be serious Swan."

"Swan...really?" Emma says rather condescendingly. "You're starting to sound like Hook a little."

"I would rather fall off a cliff and die before I let you compare me to that imbecile again, Miss Swan."

"Relax Madam Mayor I was just kidding." Emma says while stepping closer to me. "Aren't you going to invite me in for the best apple cider I'll ever taste?"

"No, but if you're still thirsty try the pirate's rum."

Emma frowns and I feel less than thrilled for a half-second but it passes, "You know what Regina, Captain Guyliner as you love to call him was a mistake. I know that he mostly just liked me for how I looked our shared history with Neal but he never really cared enough to get to know me. But Elsa knows me, understands me, in almost the same way that I thought I understood you, but I was wrong."

This is not going the way that so called friends on the mend should. Back at the diner, after I gave Emma my required limit of cold shoulder, I had hoped that she would be receptive to me the way she was not so long ago. I found myself thinking back to the ice bridge incident frequently. How she pulled me from the darkness inside me again and how she has never been afraid of me or for me. Funny things to be thinking of whilst pining away for a ridiculous and long gone soul mate.

"Miss Swan."

"Enough with the Miss Swan bullshit!" Emma nearly shouts and I feel myself stepping back slightly. "I will always fight for you Regina but I won't be your punching bag anymore. I also won't be the person who will graciously take all the blame you throw at me anymore. I found someone who doesn't call me an idiot; she believes in me and...doesn't treat me like some stray dog to kick around."

I have been a complete bitch towards Emma from the beginning, and she gave back as good as I did. I always enjoyed our verbal bouts but this is one that I don't want to win, and once not so long ago I considered it a victory by watching her walk away from me angry. But not tonight, not anymore.

"Emma..." My voice falters for the first time in my life, but strangely it feels fitting. "I'm sorry for everything."

"What are you apologizing for?" Emma says with a faint frown. "Even though I said all that about Elsa we're still friends Regina, and Elsa lives however many realms away; it's gonna take me some serious magic lessons to be able to visit, let alone anything else."

Magic lessons from me, so that she can go off to see her new friend? That is not fair and not ideal now that I might actually want Emma around for support. I turn away from her for a moment and grasp the door knob to my home, but if I'm to say what I'm about to say and mean it she has to see that it's the truth.

"You do understand me better than any person I've ever met in my life and when I realized that fairly early on I chose to punish you for that knowledge deliberately."

Emma looks wounded but then like me, she quickly wipes away all the evidence.

"Great, super, thanks for that Regina."

"I didn't say that to upset you, this is me being honest."

"I can see that." Emma says with a growing smirk. "I told you before that I always know when you're lying and when you're telling me the truth."

Emma steps even closer to me and I grip the doorframe. I can smell the alcohol on her breath.

"I know you Regina." Emma breathes across my lips. "And there's nothing that you can hide from me anymore."

My bedcovers fall off me as I spring up from what I wouldn't hesitate to call a nightmare. The cool air in my bedroom chills me until my body adjusts from the extreme shift from blanketed warmth to exposed. I did enjoy drinking my cares away with Emma that evening at Granny's but I'm glad that reality didn't play out like my dream just did. Emma hasn't invaded my dreams in a very long time and I blame being exposed to her tonight as the direct result. In the early days I dreamt of her leaving Henry and I alone and sometimes causing her bodily harm for defacing my apple tree. Then I began having what I dubbed as night terrors: Miss Swan saving me numerous times, which has happened in my waking life. There truly is no rest for the wicked or the formerly evil.

I know why I had a dream about her having the gall to try and kiss me, but that doesn't mean that it's wanted when I'm awake. I glance at my alarm clock and frown at the early hour, while grabbing my bed covers I lie back down; pulling the warmth back over me. I want no more nightmares of Emma tonight because on reflection the way we respond to one another reminds me of the high speed chase with Graham through Storybrooke. Overall it was an exhilarating experience, but once it was over it just left me wanting something that I could never have. Or so I thought. I did manage to get the little boy I always wanted, but it came with a price. And I've been paying it, but it will be with interest if I give in to Fate, if I give into True Love. Why did it have to be Emma Swan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Lovesong" by Adele, "Thorn In My Side" by The Eurythmics, "Why" by Annie Lennox & "Time Is On My Side" by The Rolling Stones 
> 
> A/N: I tried to write this story so that it was kind of like an episode of the show, in case you hadn't noticed. But here it's a Regina marathon which I fully support. Obscene amounts of thanks go out to everyone who's reading this.


	4. Act IV. Checking Out

The Enchanted Forest: The Lost Year...

Its official, I have finally landed in a Hell fit for a deposed Evil Queen and its green and populated with nothing but jovial people. That being stated, accepting Snow's truce was a given because our feud has finally run its course and its past time to let go of all that old hurt. This has proven easy for me to do because another more recent hurt has settled into its place. I gave up my son to Emma Swan. I gave her my memories and some of the hidden corners of my heart. I don't think I will be able to go on here with such a hole in my heart. Henry filled the void that Rumpelstiltskin spoke about and now that he's gone its back. All I want to do is wrap myself up in anger but I can't find the energy to even do that. I feel so sad and lost, more than any other time I can recall.

I hate traveling with the Charming's and it doesn't help that they of course seem disgustingly content to be back in our home realm. I'm not for reasons that stretch beyond not having Henry in my life anymore. The modern world was a good fit for me and in that realm I had the potential to just be Regina. Sadly, I've only now begun to appreciate the freedoms that I didn't fully capitalize on in the thirty years that I resided there. We still have a few more days to go before we reach what will be our new home; my old castle, which I will then be expected to co-habitate with the Charming's. This march through the woods feels like a prelude; my punishment has just begun, but I'm not that kind of a masochist where I think that this scenario is exactly what I've earned.

A biting chill forces me to pull my cloak tighter over my chest and its then I notice that I've garnered the attention of Snow's best friend. I must've unknowingly allowed my ardent thoughts to float too close to the surface. She pulls off the hood of her cloak; moves away from Snow's side, and weaves her way through some of the dwarves. It would appear that I'm an open book now for anyone to browse whenever they feel up to the challenge.

"I thought you said that you weren't worried about me, Miss Lucas." I say as the intrepid and not so little Red Riding Hood follows in step beside me.

"You heard that huh?"

"I may not have your natural abilities but I have excellent hearing nonetheless."

"Awesome." Miss Lucas says sounding completely out of place. "And by the way I still don't feel sorry for you, Your Majesty."

"Please don't call me that, Regina will suffice." I say while trying not to notice Leroy's rather odd way of placing his feet when he walks or rather marches, since that's what we are doing in my estimation. "But I'm not calling you Red Riding Hood because that is one too many of you Hood's to keep track of."

"Then just call me Red."

I smirk at the simple answer and the pleasing nonchalant way she said it.

"Red it is then, no more Miss Ruby Lucas."

"I like that name too, Regina." Red says and I glance down to see her gathering the ends of her rather fetching red cloak as we get ready to traipse through what looks like an endless mud hole. I already miss paved roads and it's only been a few days. "But yeah, no more Miss Lucas, but if we ever get back to Storybrooke you can call me Ruby."

The silence isn't really quiet between us, random chattering between the dwarves and the motley crew of Merry Men that are acting as a buffer. But even if the world around us were to fall completely silent I don't believe it would be uncomfortable between Red and I.

"Snow told me about you trying to bury your heart like a dog with its favorite chew bone."

That meddling woman clearly will never understand the meaning of discretion. Snow White won't even be able to keep a secret when she's dead and resting in her coffin and buried in the dirt.

"Careful wolf or I'll put you in a doggy bag."

Red laughs and I chuckle along with her because I truly mean no ill will towards her.

"It's good to see that you're doing a bit better." Red says and I look over and smile at her. It's not true but I can fake it when I have to and it would appear that Snow has sped that along for me.

"You know Archie informed me that getting a pet would be beneficial."

Red nudges me in my side lightly, "Well in that case, you will really have to stomach being friends with me. And don't worry, I'm housebroken and everything, and I have teeth but I don't bite."

"Be that as it may, I do hope you were up to date on all your vaccinations before we left Storybrooke."

"I am and for my sake I hope that you remembered to leave all your HBIC attitude with your mayoral pantsuits."

I laugh through the near constant pain in my heart. Red Riding Hood is almost my equal in terms of banter and of course I'm well aware that she just called me a 'hot bitch in charge'. I don't know whether I should be offended or flattered. I suppose I'll settle for a bit of both.

"I can't believe that you know what that means." Red says slyly. "And much as I was just ribbing you back, I also meant it as a compliment. Someone has to be the Alpha around here."

"How primitive."

Red chuckles and the pain in my chest lessens again, "I want you to know that I'm not making a pass at you, Regina."

"Too high maintence?" I say playfully, even though I have no romantic inclinations whatsoever towards the woman beside me.

Red laughs loudly and Sneezy or Snotty as I would label him instead, looks back at us but then he predictably has to sneeze so his attention gets diverted to his obviously soiled handkerchief.

"You really are fun Regina, but in all seriousness I would like you to consider me as your friend." Red says and the sweetness of that statement nearly gives me a cavity on the spot. Still I offer her a smile, but then she abruptly swallows rather nervously. "I know that losing Henry was probably your worst fear to come true, but I won't say all the stupid things like 'you'll see him again.' I don't know that you will but I also don't know that you won't. So until one or the other happens though; you're not alone anymore."

I feel my eyes stinging and the dreary grey morning begins to appear a little blurry. I take a deep breath and tell my tears to dry because no one in my vicinity is allowed to see me fall apart a little. A hand touches my elbow and then I'm lead out of the march towards what passes as a low shoulder on the roads in the Enchanted Forest. Talking with Red has allowed the pain to subside for a few minutes, but I know it will never leave me until I see Henry again.

"That heart of yours is strong and it overrules everything else about you sometimes doesn't it?"

"Don't tell anyone." I say looking into Red's green eyes. "I want them all to continue believing that it's the equivalent of a burnt potato in my chest, and with much the same capacity for emotion."

Red shakes her head and smiles at me, "That's really messed up, but I'll keep your secret. I'm actually pretty good at it, unlike my best friend, but you already know that."

"Snow has irritable word vomit syndrome."

Red laughs while gently pulling on my arm again and we resume our marching with the masses. Thankfully we are not downwind of that donkey pulling the cart. I suspect the wolf finds that scent as unpleasant as I do.

"I would never have guessed you were funny." Red says and I look over at her and she smiles again. "Scary, snarky and a total badass but...yeah."

"Red! I'm about to die give me something from your basket!" Granny shouts back at us and I don't bother fake chastising Red for her assessment of me. The widow Lucas has already raised her voice loud enough to reprimand her granddaughter and disturb the dead. Red lets go of my arm and rushes ahead to provide the sorely needed sustenance to her over-protective grandmother.

I wasn't fortunate enough to have a grandmother, all I had was my father and he was too afraid of my mother to protect me from her. Walking on alone I take a deep cleansing breath and its then that I feel eyes on me. I allow whoever it is to get their damn eyes full before I glance to the side to confirm who has the audacity to stare. And it's the other Hood in our moving party, along with his tiny son that's nestled in his arms. I don't care for the way the man is staring at me. Just as I'm about to ask him if he has a problem, Red comes back to walk with me, but without her basket this time.

"Miss me?"

"Yes, like no other before in my life Red." I say dryly and somewhat louder than needed. "If not for any other reason than to shield me from prying eyes."

Red looks around and spots the other Hood who finally decides to cease his overt glaring at me.

"What's his problem?"

"Clearly me, but I could care less about what happened over thirty years ago now." I say while moving my hands inside my cloak to warm them; even with gloves my fingers feel numb. "I'm not the Queen anymore and I'm certainly not the Evil Queen that he used to steal from."

"Yeah, I heard about him." Red says while reaching behind her to pull her hood back over her head. "His kid is cute but I can't say I'm all that impressed with the thief or his legend of stealing."

"I'm sure he doesn't see it that way." I say with a smirk. "I would wager that he referred to his thievery as liberating my ill-gotten gains to help the people that I didn't care for."

I pick up my walking pace after ending my tirade and surprisingly Red follows suit. One would assume that she would've retreated to Snow's side by now or her Grandmother's, in place of staying with me. I slow down once we've caught up with the dwarves. I'm a little winded but to my shape shifter companion a brisk walk mostly likely didn't even raise her heart rate by a single beat.

"Hey slow down Regina, we're not as young as we used to be." Red says with a chuckle and I look down for a moment and smirk. "Back to what we were talking about, I don't remember you being unfair to people unless it involved Snow. In fact I recall that the only evil that wasn't punished in the lands was..." Her voice goes flat and when I look at her Red Riding Hood seems fearful, but she has nothing to worry about.

"It's alright Red I may be dressed like her but I'm not her anymore." I say with as much indifference as possible. "You can't make me angry about my old self; I have no will left for that really."

"Good to know Regina, but tomorrow we should be at the castle. And even though I would happily pester you and follow you like a puppy that you've secretly wanted, but are you going to be alright?"

The wolf's pure intentions provide some relief and I feel fortunate that another person has chosen me for friendship. I was shocked when Kathryn also acclaimed that she considered me a friend, and that she still does.

"I'll be fine Red." I say while I move closer to Red and lightly grasp her forearm. "Tell Snow that I've been kissed by a rainbow and that I had a unicorn tattooed on my ass via the curse when we landed here. So I'm suitably armed."

The werewolf laughs and Grumpy turns his head to look back at us, "What's so funny, Red?"

"Regina."

"Sister's got jokes, huh?"

"Yeah." Red answers for me and I smirk.

"Good, because you have to have something else to offer other than some seriously kick ass lasagna." Grumpy says and I smirk at him. He simply grins and then turns away.

I'm surprised that all these people are affable towards me. Perhaps the entire collective is tired of the old squabbles too. I used to hold on to the hurt, so that my anger was that much stronger. My worst fear at one time was letting go of my resentments; who would I be without it? People have always taken things from me, sometimes all I have, and the act of letting go was something that I had never really done before. Not that I've ever had much to let go of. In truth I've had so very little in my life to call my own.

"Where did you go just now Regina?" Red says and the darkness of my thoughts lifts like a veil.

"I have so much rage in me that it is all I've ever known my whole life." The words fall out of my mouth and I feel exposed, but for now I don't care.

"I was born cursed." Red says so softly that I stop walking, as does she and the people behind us move around without a single protest.

A sense of understanding passes and the air is so much easier to breathe.

"I'm starting to believe that I was too, Red."

The werewolf in women's clothing smiles at me and her luminous green eyes shine with tears. She truly is a gentle soul but fierce when the situation calls for it. I wish this promise of friendship and embracing change would prove to be enough for me. But speaking of curses because there rarely is a time when we aren't. Maybe when we make it to the castle I can concoct a sleeping curse for myself that is if I can get away from Snow and anyone else who would stand in my way. I know that there is no substitute for Henry's absence and I don't wish to fill it with a poor imitation to dull my pain. I already know that I'm not going to be able to survive for very long, my heart just isn't in it. A lifetime here without my son isn't something that I want to live to see.

 

Storybrooke: Two Weeks Ago...

The days have long since passed where I watched after Emma, perhaps to a stalker degree. But after everything that I've done in my life what does more time paying penance really matter? In those last days Elsa finally chose another form of clothing than that albeit regal, but far too chipper blue gown for my tastes that she paraded around in for weeks. The two of them grew close and it was through my former old arch enemy Snow that I learned about the night of Emma's magical reckoning. I cannot believe that Emma would be that stupid, that she truly intended to give up her powers because of her moronic parents. I find it a surprisingly bitter pill to taste knowing it was Elsa that talked her down. I wish that I had been the one to do that, for reasons that I'm still making amends with.

After the dinner at Snow's, which could've gone worse, I allowed a few days to pass and then I texted Emma. I chose to ask her if she would like to have lunch sometime; purely as friends is how I sold it to myself, because I know that's a part I can play somewhat. She accepted and then I immediately felt I had finally lost what's left of my mind; judge that however you see fit. The Savior was punctual and things were going well, much like our interactions after Emma returned to Storybrooke during the second curse. But that quickly changed since she is profoundly skilled at making me angry, public settings notwithstanding. A back ended insult from The Savior over lunch is a recipe for indigestion, especially one that consisted of my shady past with Rumpelstiltskin, and that wasn't what I came here for today.

"You've called me awful things Emma for more times than I care to count now; much like everyone else, but to be fair I gave you many reasons to." I say sharply while I move my half eaten salad away from me. "Also, I thought after the way we've worked together you had finally witnessed with your own eyes that I was more than what I had allowed you to see beforehand."

I almost don't censor myself and blurt out: 'And then I let myself start to believe that you would apologize to me.'

"Regina, I didn't mean that the way it sounded." Emma says before tossing her napkin down on the table. "So many things went wrong in Neverland. Hell, I'm still sick of the place and it's been over two years now or three, whatever. Plus you were still pretty prickly towards my parents."

I exhale loudly, "I had no interest in fully letting my guard down in front of," Once again I nearly say: the two idiots but I manage not to. "Snow and her beloved Shepherd, so I had to maintain most of my bite."

"You still use plenty of bite nowadays if you ask me." Emma says under her breath but I heard her all the same. "Since my ass still smarts where you chewed it out over your ex-boyfriend's wife."

I should have never entrusted Robin with my heart and I mean that both literally and metaphorically. Nothing good came from it in either instance. Then just as I'm about to calmly, civilly address Emma she starts up again.

Emma sighs loudly and slouches down in the booth.

"What's all this about Regina? Asking me to lunch? Did Henry put you up to this to keep me from going back to Killian or something stupid like that? I know that he doesn't like him anymore." Emma says in that infuriating bored tone that she takes with me sometimes. "Because if it is then I'll tell you exactly what I told Henry and it's the truth. I'm done with Hook and I'm sticking to my guns this time about him."

Emma makes everything about her and its tiring, but she probably thinks the same of me. Still whatever she thinks, I know that I'm well past my 'use by date' in regards to the pirate; he's like expired milk that needs to be discarded since it's already been forgotten.

"Oh please Swan," I start while I place both of my hands on the tabletop. "You couldn't stick to your guns if they were super glued to both of your hands."

"You know I almost started to miss you, but thank God you started to speak." Emma bites back with volume and I feel a sense of pride, due to the fact that she just insulted me and very well I might add. "But I'm confused, why do you keep bringing up Hook? I dumped him and eventually I'm moving on. I don't need to process my breakup." I feel myself getting angry with her because she helped me process mine with liquor. "Then there's you and your extreme mood shifts. I mean take last week for instance; you poofed your ass out of my mother's loft like it was on fire, after we had a little spat!"

Granny's diner goes silent. And since I most certainly don't want to make a further spectacle of myself, I quickly stand up and leave, knowing that Emma will follow; she always does. The sound of my heels is pronounced on the polished linoleum and so is The Savior's low heeled boots.

"Damn it Regina!" Emma says as loudly as the front door of the diner slamming behind her. "This is the last time I'm going to chase after you!"

I abruptly turn around and Emma stops right in my personal space. Today her attire consisted of a dark red button up under a stylish black pea coat and of course those skintight jeans that she cannot seem to live without.

"Finally! Something logical that I can recognize instead of your bumbling idiocy, that I've been subjected to ever since you rolled into this town four years ago!"

"Do you ever stop? You're driving me crazy with all this!" Emma shouts while indicating my entire body wildly with both hands.

"So with that gesture you're saying that something is wrong with me?"

"No, there's nothing wrong with you!" Emma says with a sigh that implies that I'm being ridiculous. "But well with the way you've been acting lately and with everything's that happened. You know trying to get the upper hand on all your old friends, the gaggle of Darkside Bit..." I glare at Emma in a way that dares her to call me that kennel based word by association. "Right, them and anyways I need you to know that I'm not looking for...a rebound with you."

This is preposterous and I want to immolate Emma where she stands. I don't wish to even so much as hold hands with her right now. How dare she jump to such a conclusion about me? My magic awakens without me even calling it forth, which is becoming a common occurrence in her presence. I really didn't want to have another fight with her in front of Granny's but here we are, again.

"Rebound? Not even if you wished upon a star, Miss Swan." I say and Emma frowns. "So you found out that the pirate is a fraud and just another self-serving asshole, now what? Perhaps you should've set your rebound itch on the visiting little blue Scandinavian Ice Queen that was all but attached to your hip when she invaded."

Emma rolls her eyes at me, "Are you seriously jealous of her now?"

"Don't go back to being stupid on my account." I say with a measure of venom. I'm certain that even if it were a request Emma would do as such on autopilot. And I'm not an envious greenie witch that title belonged to my late half-sister. "But since we're on the subject of Miss Deep Freeze, I find it unfair that you embraced a complete stranger who almost let you freeze to death, because she's more clueless than you are about magic."

Emma frowns more and shoves her hands in her front pockets, "That's true, but." She says simply and I want to strangle her for the other words that she's clearly incapable of.

"What! Say something, say anything!"

"Why is this so damn important?" Emma finally shouts back at me and I watch her green-blue eyes become glassy with excess moisture. "I mean you've made it transparent as glass that you think I'm pretty stupid most of the time. And I would be lying if I believed that I haven't done a lot of stupid things without really thinking everything through. I guess one of my biggest mistakes in your eyes was leading Neal on once he came to Storybrooke. But I got so caught up in...I just completely forgot that this was the man who got me knocked," I look at Emma sternly in an effort to convey that she not phrase her past quite like that; though it's true, but my son is precious to me. "I was going to say the most likely two hundred plus year-old man child who got me pregnant at seventeen which is sick now that I think about again, and let's not forget that he got me thrown in jail to boot."

I may have to check and see if the apocalypse is arriving, because Emma Swan has finally decided to be honest with herself for once. I mean if I must listen to her the least she can do is shame the devil and tell the truth. It would appear that her 'superpower' doesn't recognize her own bullshit but I do.

"All valid points and just think, now thanks to your mother you'll be forced to think about the thief every time you hear your little brother's name."

"You just had to say that didn't you?" Emma says roughly and her eyes begin to shine due to the tears that I can tell she's valiantly trying to hold in. "I don't understand why you suddenly care again, even though I would say that you go about it in a pretty harsh way."

"Who the hell said that, Miss Swan?"

Impulse and near rote behavior at this point made me say those words harshly and at the sight of Emma's now very watery eyes I already want to take them back. What's happening to me?

Emma scoffs and wipes under her eyes roughly, "My mistake, it won't happen again. And since you don't give a shit why don't you just go back to hiding in your vault and fuck Robin some more until his wife wakes up? Oh wait, he doesn't want you either being that he took his wife and kid and left town months ago!"

I don't think that could've kept myself from doing it, but when I felt the sting bloom in the palm of my hand it hadn't really registered to me what I had done. And as I look into those wounded green-blue eyes I feel more than sorry for my actions. Hurting Emma feels so very wrong to me; it feels like I'm hurting myself.

"We're even now." Emma says coldly while she rubs her reddening cheek. I can't help but recall the first time that she struck me. What a hand Fate has dealt me to play this time around and in this realm.

 

Storybrooke: Present Day...

I haven't felt the need to seek refuge in my vault for quite a while. I had hoped after a lengthy absence when I walked past a certain section I wouldn't be reminded of the groans and other sounds of heated flesh pressed together in a display of shameful rutting. I may have to fix a forgetting spell after all if I'm to be free of that memory. I can't very well demolish that portion of my vault. But as illogical as it may sound, I came here today to forget, even though this place is constructed of memories. If I had cast the second curse that brought us back here instead of Snow, I would make a new vault for myself; a clean slate, or at least the best that a tainted person such as myself can conjure.

I will all the small candles scattered about the space to ignite with my magic and I stop in the room where my mother's things were. I finally moved all of her belongings to better storage; a place where I don't have to see them so much. The chest that held all of her collected hearts is all that I left here and all of the drawers contents went silent when my mother passed away. I emptied my collection of hearts years ago, by returning them to who they belonged to. No one knows that I chose to do that and I prefer my actions to remain my secret. I wonder sometimes about Emma's heart; how fierce the heart made by True Love must beat. With a sigh I lean forward and place my hands against the empty chest of hearts.

Recent distractions have made it easier to not think about what happened between Emma and I. Honestly I didn't mean to make a spectacle of us in front of Granny's yet again, but it seems that just wouldn't ring true considering our history. I haven't seen Emma much since our heated argument a few weeks ago and I know that's for the best. The pirate is still circling her, despite her deciding that she has no use for him. On a personal note, my magic has been spotty at times, perhaps it's punishing me for my reluctance. It has been several months since I was at Gold's and he saw fit to saddle me with a Swan, again. I finally understand the subtlety in Rumpelstiltskin's joke all those years ago about roast swan.

Since that day I've gone over all of our interactions in my head and I did drop all pretenses with her on occasion. The occurrence in my office when we were trying to recreate a memory potion for Henry is an example where I showed her who I was once and if I'm being honest instances like that happened quite a few times. That day in mines when we stopped trigger would qualify too, not to mention a year earlier when Henry was trapped in the mines and Emma rescued him and then I felt involuntarily drawn to her. I couldn't keep myself from stepping so close to her; I can't remember what I was thinking or what I was feeling too much that day. Then more recently the time we had tea together after Emma's first magic lesson before the handless wonder interrupted and very recently; oh God that day on the line I touched her.

A gasp forces its way past my lips and my vision becomes like running watercolors on a canvas. Tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks, I feel like I'm not in my body and it's like I can't be expected to be able to breathe anymore. Pain blooms in my chest and then it tracks down my left arm. It feels like a heart attack, but then as quickly as the pain began it goes away and I feel warm. I close my eyes as all that warmth starts at my fingertips and moves up my arms. I know what a magical awakening feels like; I felt it more than a few times in my life, but this is different and yet not. It feels like a full body magical healing and it hurts. I sink to the cold stone floor in front of the empty heart chest of drawers, but I have no more tears left to shed. Now is not the time for tears, is what my heart says.

Truth is freedom and it's rightfully found me. Henry filled the hole the first Dark Curse left in my heart, but now I feel like the part of my soul that was vacant isn't so empty anymore. I never realized that it was missing and I don't know whether it was something that I gave up or if it was another thing that was taken from me. I close my eyes and I can see it all. It has to be me because I've always need saving. Not horribly ridiculous damsels in distress rescues, but being saved in a way that a believer seeks redemption; like finding spirituality. I close my eyes as my heart begins to ache. But heavy boot steps that I would know anywhere put an end to it. The sounds on the stone steps descend down to my level, and now I suddenly have the urge to transport into my house so that I may turn on the stove's oven and then put my head in it.

"I would've knocked but you pretty much left the door open." Emma says loudly and with amusement.

If she's willing to show up here then it would stand to reason that she seems to have let it all go and I do envy that ability. But then again life in Storybrooke became very active again and perhaps she used all that excitement to forget too. I get up off the floor, wipe under my eyes, dust my pants and long overcoat off and have my scowling stare in place before Emma hits the last step and upon seeing me she smiles nervously. It's momentarily confusing to me when I realize that I enjoy seeing her smile in any capacity, but I've crossed over now and I know that my Swan-free days are over, not that I've had many of those in the last four years.

"You know your Dad's coffin is technically the door and you...never mind."

I openly roll my eyes at her because I would hate for her to miss that.

"So let's update." Emma says while slapping her gloved hands together. "I'm still working on your 'Happily Ever After' and I guess you've stopped caring about the unfair plotting book dude. Since the all the villainesses of the storybook world blew through town and we've had bigger fish to fry and then my mother..."

I have to tune out Emma for so many reasons, all of which are now painfully obvious. I watch her mouth move but her words are lost on me. My magic is even more awake within me now that she's in the room; it feels like it wants to crawl out of my skin, so it can join with hers. I wonder if she can feel it too? She's still talking, about God knows what, and then she slowly starts to move closer to me. I inhale sharply and turn around to face my mother's empty heart chest, as of now I wish that my heart was in one of the drawers and not beginning to beat faster within my chest.

The feeling of Emma's hand on my shoulder brings her words back into clarity for me, "Regina did you even hear me? Cause if you're not going to listen then I'm going to go."

My shoulders sag and Emma finally moves her hand off. It's time to show a different kind of courage, because I can't stand this any longer. Maybe she will put me out of my misery or worse deepen it? I turn away from the heart chest to face Emma, only to discover that she's far too close. I feel my magic's pull even more, and it desperately wants to join with the other magical vessel in front of it.

"Emma, I never wanted an insipid 'Happily Ever After' because frankly the thought alone makes me want to look for a good place to lose the contents of my stomach for the last several years." The Savior chuckles and I'm fine with that. "What I do want is for someone who understands me and you do. Although, accepting my shortcomings you aren't so skilled at but so we're clear, I'm not propositioning you for a rebound or a fling."

"Since when do you date women, Regina?" Emma interjects when I pause, because I still can't believe that I'm going through with this.

"That's what you deduced from my statement?"

Emma shrugs then smirks at me which is irritating, but then again she excels at that. What's worse is I'm sure I like that and I think at some point I must have missed the part where I signed myself over to become an experiment in artificial stupidity.

"I don't," I begin but stall because the urge to say: 'Miss Swan' when she gets on my nerves is overwhelmingly familiar. "Emma, I'm not talking about dating women in general. I was inferring that unless you are put off by the idea of me being interested in one woman in particular." I pause for a moment to look into widening green eyes. "I would simply like to try to date you."

There I've said it; asked her for a modern chance of affection, since the last ounce of resistance has been purged out of me. I have once more thrown myself under the proverbial speeding bus in the name of Fate. What a pathetic sight I must be because I feel exactly like someone I wouldn't hesitate to ridicule. At least this is my accepted choice, I let go. The Savior still owes me but I want her to realize that on her own and it shouldn't be difficult to figure out what exactly, if she can feel what I feel or if she has been paying attention.

"Henry told me about your talk months ago." Emma says evenly, just barely meeting my gaze. Instead she seems keenly interested in the floor of my vault. "The kid means well."

I can't say that I'm shocked, but I'm sure my face tells a different story. For all I know she is here under the guise of another one of Henry's operations. Aside from that, one of us needs to be an adult though and I know that is me by a landslide.

"I see and you're not interested in me?" I say while despising the very inflection of my voice, which sounds bereft over my impending dismissal. It also seems that at some point in my life I became infected with latent 'Charming' tendencies at times, since I can't seem to stop reluctantly falling face first for these idiotic notions of true love. Rumple didn't lie to me for once and my magic confirmed it all just before said True Love arrived to annoy me. In this sudden and suffocating silence between us I force myself to make eye contact with Emma; she looks up and the combination of the look in her eyes and lack of action are far too loathsome to bear one second more.

"Do me a favor and forget that I said anything, Miss Swan." I say as tersely as possible even while it feels like my battered heart is finally going to break apart, stop beating and die right in my chest. "I apologize for stepping over the line and if I made you uncomfortable."

I just might cry. But only due to the fact my life is what it is and there never was enough blame to go around. Perhaps I should lay it all at my mother's feet, because she's the one who gave birth to the likes of me. I could never blame my father for anything; he loved me unconditionally. I have to get out of here and when I've moved my family's remains I may destroy this place. I don't want to be reminded of this time in my life ever again.

"Regina, wait a minute I'm sorry!" Emma says as I push past her.

"I don't need to be let down gently Savior, so save it!"

"Damn it Regina! I need to think!"

"Don't hurt yourself while you're at it."

"You see its shit like that would give anyone pause, Regina."

I stop at the foot of the stone steps and turn around to glare at Emma, "Well in that case if you're looking to be gently coddled, then I stand by my previous request of forgetting I said anything."

"I don't want to be coddled, have you even met me!"

What the hell am I doing? This is my space not hers!

"Show yourself out of my vault, please?" I say and my damn voice wavers. I will not cry in front of her, not one damn tear because she hasn't earned that.

"Alright I'll go for now, but I'm serious that I still need to think about what you said." Emma intones rather gently. "I haven't said no, you know and pardon my ass if I need to reanalyze things between us; fighting and bickering is all we've ever really done! Seriously, we're like the damn Hatfield's and McCoy's of Storybrooke!"

"Whatever." I say lowly while I continue to glare at her.

Emma lingers under the archway; her strong, lean frame is quite the silhouette. The absence of red leather and flannel only adds to the pleasing sight. But it's the light streaming down from the skylights overhead make her blonde hair seem luminescent. I know that Emma is an attractive woman, but for me it's as if I've only now seen her. I silently watch as she slowly moves closer to where I'm somewhat rooted in place.

"Regina I don't want to see you hurting, so I'll stroke your ego a little." Emma says as she stops to stand in front of me. "I think you're astonishingly hot and sexy as all of Hell's best vixens, but that's not enough anymore for me." She adds quickly and without a hint of shame or malice. "And I don't want another fling. I finally shook off a needy, deluded pirate who could use a good chest waxing."

I smirk because there was no way that I could keep from it. Seeing the man who does enjoy eyeliner waxed might very well be a torture session that I would gleefully enjoy. If I were inclined to care about improving the pirate's grooming, which were I asked an emphatic 'no' would resound for miles.

"Give me a little time, Madame Mayor." Emma says with a faint but growing smile. "I get that patience isn't your strong suit. Frankly, it's not mine either but I give me a few days at least. I'm not interested in leading you on or anything, I promise."

I can see that she means every word, though I still feel disappointed even though I understand completely. If our roles were reversed I would ask for time also. If I were being delusional; like Snow for example, I would imagine Emma being overjoyed that I had feelings for her, but still I would never expect such a rapid shift between us. I fear rejection just the same as any person in any realm, maybe even more so, because it's something I'm overly familiar with. In the meantime, I will wait and then I'll survive if the answer is no.

"Thank you." I say as I step away from Emma and move towards the archway in my vault.

How have I managed to let my potions chest become so untidy and why is it sitting there in the first place?

"Congrats on winning the election by the way." Emma says nervously which makes me stop and I look back at her. "I voted for you and it would appear that I wasn't the only one who thought you should be in charge again."

"It was another sham." I say while opening a drawer on my potions chest and place the clawed glove that successfully grabbed Emma's attention during one of our magic lessons before closing it up soundly. "I was unopposed as you should be well aware of."

"A win is a win Regina."

I look at Emma again and smile because I'll be damned if I can keep from it, "If you say so. Good day, Sheriff Swan."

"Since I'm being dismissed I guess I'll see you later then?"

Her words aren't so much a statement but a hopeful question, and I'll be damned all over again that the sound of it keeps me smiling at her.

"I'm certain our paths will collide again, Emma."

The Savior smirks at me and then proceeds to stomp up the steps. But the smile falls off my face when I can no longer hear Emma's footsteps overhead. What would happen if she found out about her encore performance role; her being my True Love? I don't know what to think anymore and the knowing only makes it worse and I can't be trusted to just blindly go on what I've been feeling. A small part of me is resentful of my surrender to this crinkle of fate, because of how easy I'm making it to let Fate have another laugh at my expense. But a light is shining in me now; telling me that I should be brave and wait for Emma's answer, even as utterly ridiculous as it all sounds to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Go Walking Down There" by Chris Issak, "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" & "Taste My Own Tears" by Paloma Faith, "Somebody To Love" by Queen
> 
> A/N: Now you know why Regina and Ruby were so friendly in the diner back in Act 2. And clearly I adore Ruby too or I wouldn't have tried my damnedest to work her into this story.


	5. Act V. These Things

In all this insanity that I'm surrounded by on all sides, it shapes an environment tailor-made so that a person will overlook things. Or to a lesser organized mind immersed in a similar non compos mentis state, they may choose to see something that isn't there. I am not slow on the uptake, but there is always something lurking and even the smartest person cannot be smart all the time. Soul mate or not I never fell in love with Robin the person; rather I freely will admit to allowing myself to get caught up in the promise of a happy ending. Now all these months since I've known about my 'True Love' another thought has always been present but I chose to ignore it, simply because I felt it wasn't important, but after asking Emma for a modification in our relationship that rationale has become obsolete.

All this time from the day in Gold's shop, to this very second the truth still remains; I'm not in love with Emma and I don't expect her to be in love with me. However, I do know that I desire her companionship and maybe falling in love takes time and actually this time around in my life that's what I want more than anything. I've had enough of tumulus affairs that land hard and fast like a tornado and once they've run their course all they leave is destruction and misery in their aftermath. Provided that Emma is amicable to seeing me privately I believe that it will take time to see her differently; my magic has a mind of its own in her presence, but my mind, not to mention my heart need another type of context. But I would like to think that if she is worth falling for it wouldn't take long to happen.

"Mayor Mills, your two o'clock appointment is here." My new secretary's rather maternal and accented voice announces itself into the room via my intercom. Snow hired the woman and begged me to keep her on and I agreed but only on a trial period, in all honesty though the woman is more efficient than my previous one.

"Very well, send them in." I say flatly before returning to the remedial paperwork in front of me that has failed miserably to keep my thoughts off a certain someone.

True Love comes in all forms and not all them means that the other person is in love with you or vice versa. Perhaps four days of deliberation Emma has found a form of closure, on whether or not she could feel something other for me than a strained, timid friendship. Yet, I still have heard nothing from the aggravating woman. I'm tired of going in endless rounds in my mind over this, so I quickly add my signature to the last sheet and push the small stack to the side. I click my pen closed and toss it in front of me; it clatters and then rolls slightly against the surface of my desk.

Within a few moments I see a tall frame obscured by the frosted glass of my office door. Not so long ago, I would've only granted most people a fraction of my attention during office hours, but things change. I lean back in my chair and wait; my appointment actually knocks before entering.

"Good day, Deputy Nolan."

"Regina." Snow's beloved shepherd says with a smile and I wonder if he is naturally upbeat, or perhaps he has true love colonics he administers whenever he's feeling down.

"How can I help you today, David?" I say blandly while he shuts my office door behind him.

If he's here to threaten me over ripping his daughters heart out of her chest and crushing it I may have to take a dip in dark waters to remind him who he's dealing with.

"Nothing official Madam Mayor, I just came to talk to you and I thought making an appointment was a decent gesture." David says while he walks over to my meeting table and plucks an apple out of the centerpiece. "I missed lunch; do you mind?"

"Not at all." I offer with a smirk.

David rubs the apple on his jacket and then takes a bite. For a second the old me wishes that it were poisoned, but I'm well past that now and I have no need to go back to my old wicked ways. Upon brief inspection, I see that Emma clearly does not get her eating habits from her father. The shepherd chews with his mouth closed and doesn't attempt to talk with his mouth full either. Perhaps Emma's habit evolved from foster care? I imagine some of those people didn't treat her well and I suppose she ate what she could whenever she could. I feel myself get angry but then my white magic rises up just enough to smother out the growing embers like a fire blanket.

"That was delicious, thanks Regina."

"You're welcome." I say and motion towards the wastebasket closest to him to deposit the apple core. "So you wanted to speak with me?"

"Straight to the point then." David says as he moves closer to my desk. "You know Snow and I are happy that Hook is no longer in the picture for Emma, and for the longest time I let what Snow calls my 'tunnel vision' to cloud my judgment about the man. What's worse is that I convinced myself to overlook what happened in Neverland between me and Hook."

That infernal pirate; how is it he always came out smelling like roses, when I've known him to only be the lowest of creatures? I owe him a reprisal for helping strap me to that gurney so Greg Mendel could do his best Victor Frankenstein impression. Wit aside I was ready to die though, but after Henry's abduction and all of the other headache-inducing mess that came with Neverland I shelved my intentions to show Captain Guyliner some real pain.

"What happened exactly?"

David laughs but in an unmistakable self-depreciating fashion, "The pirate was all too happy that I was going to die so he could freely go after my daughter. I think it's safe to say after I was cured from the DreamShade I let things get out of hand."

So the self-righteous can learn. I wonder exactly when David acquired that useful piece of insight and held onto it? I had to temper my hand while we were in Neverland. I wanted to roast the pirate, who I'm sure would go up in smoke without much effort because of his rum infatuation.

"If you say so." I say while picking up my discarded pen to have something to hold. "On a personal note now that you've brought up things getting out of hand, I could've gone without having to witness yourself and Snow reaffirm your love by making out every two minutes or less."

David smirks and I have no idea why I lightened the mood with a joke, "Sorry, but I won't apologize for that Regina."

"I didn't expect you to." I say while clicking my pen open then closed. How I wish that all those memories of being subjected to Snow and her Prince's runaway affections during the 'Lost Year' were still lost to me.

"You know, I've come to appreciate that direct quality of yours." David says as he sits down in one of the chairs in front of my desk. "It's refreshing; you let people know where they stand with you."

I remain silent and meet Prince Charming's gaze. The man isn't trying to stare me down but he is sizing me up, and I would be insulted at this juncture if he didn't.

"Back to what I was talking about; Hook was disrespectful towards my daughter." David says and I'm pleased to note that his voice is tinged with anger. "He actually gloated to me at one of my weakest moments when I was poisoned that Emma was his prize, and without me in the picture no one could stop him from getting what he wanted."

Good thing the pirate is well and truly gone because I suddenly have the renewed urge to do harm to his little thinking cap that rests below the waist.

"You want to go after Hook now don't you?"

"What."

"I just saw the look on your face Regina." David says with a growing smirk. "You want to protect her and probably smite Hook where he stands in his leather pants."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I say evenly but the man is half right.

Let The Shepherd think what he wants in regards to my loathing of the pirate, most of the reasons are my own at any rate.

"We're both adults here and I know you can be rather charming too when you want to be." David says while adjusting his leather jacket and for a second the butt of his handgun shows. "Snow already told you that you have our blessing, but what I'm wondering is why you and Emma are still at square one?"

I am not discussing detailed romantic notions with Emma's father under no circumstances. And this has to be a first in the history of firsts; the father of the woman I would like to date is complaining that we aren't moving our relationship along fast enough. Fairy tale ideology is for idiots and the man sitting in my office is as advertised and more, but if I'm really going to see this through then honesty appears to be the best course of action.

"David, I've only recently asked Emma for a date." I say while looking into his pale blue eyes. "And in return she asked for time to consider my offer."

"Why would she do that?" The Shepherd says and he does look genuinely confused. "Even when she was with Hook all she could talk about was you, that's the reason Snow and I decided to pay closer attention or as you would say: 'stop being idiots and pull your head out of the sand already'."

I end up chuckling and my excuse is a smirking and laughing Deputy ratting out his own daughter, which is more proof that he and Snow deserve each other. So Miss Swan thought about me, talked about me when I wasn't around. I can't imagine it was all good things and anything less just wouldn't be the language Emma and I speak to one another in.

"I watched you both in Neverland but I didn't really see it until now." David says while laughing lightly.

"And what pray tell did you see?"

"That you and my daughter bicker like a married couple."

"Excuse me?"

"You really push Emma and she responds to you, but I have to admit that some of it was-ugly." David says and the smile on his face wanes. "When you were trying to get her to start a campfire with magic, she called you a monster and even then in the back of my mind I thought that was harsh and unfair. My daughter owes you an apology and I owe you an apology."

My chest hurts a little and my eyes start to sting, but I most certainly will not show any emotion in front of this man.

"Did Snow put you up to this?"

"No Regina, I managed this all on my own and it's long overdue." David says and leans forward in his seat. "I see what kind of person you are, the one Snow has always told me about. And you're one of the best nowadays, even with everything that we've done to one another in the past. I understand now that you were hurt and lashing out from a dark place, and I admire that you're honest about who you are."

Just as I'm about to respond; to put an end to the noble sheep herder extolling my goodness, the intercom buzzes and Snow's leftover secretary announces that my two-thirty appointment has arrived and is waiting.

With a roll of my eyes I respond, "Thank you, Miss Potts."

"You're quite welcome, Mayor Mills." The woman responds happily before ending our connection on the intercom.

"I guess that's my cue to leave." David says with a smile as he rises out of his seat. "And Regina I meant every word, and I promise won't say anything about our conversation to Emma. But I will let Sheriff Swan know that the Mayor would like to hear from her sometime soon."

I smile at the man; I can't seem to keep from it, "Thank you, Deputy Nolan."

David finally leaves as my next appointment strolls in through my door to discuss renewing the liquor license to 'The Rabbit Hole', but The Shepherd doesn't close my office door behind him until he invited me to another family dinner with Snow. It would appear that I may as well get used to the two idiots overwhelming charity, especially if things go forward with their only daughter. Emma Swan isn't a Charming by name but sometimes she behaves like one just the same and then sometimes not. I find the idea so clichéd, but maybe there is some truth in the idea that there's a thin line between love and hate. Letting myself love again hasn't been easy and I've already failed once, but this time around so much more is at stake.

 

\-------------

 

Summer is a memory and in its place the autumn season is half-started and it's already getting cold; I swear Maine weather shamelessly borrows from Canada. On occasion when I allow my mind to wander without any real intent, I usually question why the curse chose the state of Maine out of all the other perfectly suitably warmer climates offered in this realm? But this place in particular in Storybrooke has always felt like it was transported from the Enchanted Forest. The air smells fresh and inhaling the colder air feels like my lungs are being purified, but in reality I'm breathing in air pollution like every person in this realm. Tall and almost ancient looking evergreen pine trees line the property, and were it not for the fine gravel manicured paths a person from my land would swear that they were home. I chose to walk here today to the park to clear my thoughts but it's not working all that well.

Chasing Emma from my thoughts doesn't seem like an option anymore. Yes I asked her for a date, nothing more, but she has yet to give me an answer either way. I know that she feels some responsibility towards me; a fealty almost, but I feel like I'm in a holding pattern and until Emma shows me something other than a mild flirty compliment, I don't think it's safe to indulge in what I could feel for her. What would be the point of going in with my whole heart if she only means to crush the blackened remains? Every time I think thoughts like that I feel a pain in my chest again and I swear I've never disliked my magic more than I do now; it's behaving like a stubborn child, even though I've done my part. Thankfully, it's a mild pain that again feels like that part of me is either trying to mend itself, or just remind me I'm still alive and that this life isn't through with me yet.

I inhale deeply while walking towards a nearby bench to sit down. The pain lessens with every soothing breath I take, and after a few minutes the serenity of this tranquil lakeside setting works its magic on me. I end up watching the ripples that trail after a small family of ducks too closely to take notice of my approaching company, until they are practically standing in front of me on the bench.

"Hey Regina, mind if I join you?"

One would think that my thoughts summoned Miss Swan to me. Which I truly do hope that our magical bond; should it ever become intertwined, not facilitate such a thing. I don't believe it would be healthy to be that linked to anyone.

"Help yourself; free parking and all." I say with a smirk. "And in any event I can always move if you get too handsy."

"Oh ha, ha." Emma says as she sits down close beside me. "My side is hurting from laughing so hard."

Chuckling at the familiarity of our repartee I turn my head to glance at Emma briefly. Once again the now infamous red leather jacket isn't assaulting my vision or some of her more ridiculous items that she chooses to wear on her head. I approve of the caramel brown leather coat and the way she has her long blonde hair styled; marginally straighter, and somehow with lighter highlights that make her radiant.

"So my Deputy told me you wanted to see me the other day." Emma says in a husky tone. "Sorry it took me two days, but did my dad threaten you with some kind of 'if you're going to date my daughter' talk?"

"Not really." I say evenly, as my body starts reacting to the warmth beside it. Lying to Emma isn't something I can't get away with, but I suppose being vague is harmless enough.

"Okay."

Her voice sounds light and I continue to focus on the lake; the reflection on the water of the blue and white streaked sky overhead, it almost feels like looking into another world that mirrors this one.

"You know I come here too sometimes to think, and no it doesn't give me a headache." Emma says and it makes me smile, because she is clearly unable to be quiet and also she is showcasing elements that compliment my personality.

"Good for you, dear. I would hate for you to take a sick day all on the account of a little pond side meditation."

Emma snorts and damn it if she doesn't move closer next to me on the bench until her shoulder is touching mine.

"I've missed that sass." Emma says with a chuckle. "You can't really turn that off can you? Not that I want you to or anything."

I smirk and huddle into my coat. I don't really feel like talking too much today, one would say I'm processing the ramifications after the fact.

"What's up with you? Aren't you even going to talk with me, because I came here to spend time with you." Emma says while shifting against me. "Granted, I had to track you down and what's with your new secretary? Seriously, is she really that singing teapot from the movie and my mom hired her?"

Emma's rambling is amusing; God she makes me happy, and she hasn't even answered my simple question yet. I suppose I'm to read between the lines since she just admitted that she came here to see me.

"You should be thankful she was depicted as a singing cartoon teapot and not say...Mary Poppins who also has a form of magic."

"That would be kinda cool though." Emma says while stuffing her elegant hands inside the pockets of her jacket and I clasp both of mine together on my lap.

"Yes, I imagine her and I would get along swimmingly; our strong and highly organized personalities, that is until I 'sassed her' as you say and then she was unable to find a suitable comeback."

Emma laughs and the sound makes me smile to a disgusting degree, if the feeling in my cheeks is any indication.

"Eh, she would just make you swallow a spoon full of sugar, instead of washing that mouth of yours out."

I laugh outright and so does Emma again. After our laughter runs its course I feel Emma move and then her hand is grasping one of mine.

"As much fun as this is just goofing around with you I came here to talk about some more mature things." Emma says but I'm still reeling from the fact that she's holding my hand. "That and I think I've kept you guessing for long enough."

Still, why do I suddenly think that I'm about to be given a pad to land on from the height I'm about to be pushed from? Then as if sensing my rising distress, she starts caressing my hand and this is very disarming.

"So many things you keep surprising me with." I say nonchalantly even though the hand-holding is becoming distracting. "Not only have you gotten good at lying Emma, but now you've added being an adult to your repertoire?"

"And there's that sass again; you really know how to put the moves on the single lady here."

"Oh, please."

Emma sniggers and pulls my hand into her lap. The warmth of her touch and magic starts to trickle its way up my arm and with each breath I feel a calm wash over me.

"Teasing you is fun." Emma says and I can feel her eyes on me but I don't look directly at her right away. "I'll have to keep that in play on crappy days and there's gonna be crap to deal with at some point, because shit always happens."

"What a poet you are." I say while turning to completely look at my companion. "I may swoon right here."

Emma smirks, "You like it."

"If that's what you choose to believe Miss Swan, then who am I to break up such a delusion or suggest that you go back on your medication."

"Regina!"

"That would be my name, dear." I say with a smirk and look into those idyllic green eyes for the first time today.

"Look, I got off track here but I have some things that I need to say to you." Emma says gently and squeezes my hand briefly, to show me that she still has possession of it, like I had forgotten. Her magic hasn't abated and mine is all but humming alongside her's. I wonder if she has even noticed.

"I...uh, we both don't trust easily and we both don't put much stock in all that teeth rotting happy ending business." Emma says with a slight edge to her voice. "I do understand you too like you said and I know that you understand me, better than anyone else has ever bothered to in a long time."

This is what I would call progress and I endeavor to further it, even though the moment that springs to mind I didn't hesitate to belittle Emma. However, I felt awful about it as soon as she spoke after my ill-timed and cutting comment.

"Do you recall the time in Neal's rustic cave dwelling in Neverland; when you spoke about counting days and losing hope, I understood perfectly." I say while trying not to grip her hand tighter since she hasn't let go of mine. "I'm sorry that I spoke to you the way I did, because in my youth I counted too many days and nights as well, and as you should know by now that I am the epitome of lost causes."

Even as I speak I also remember not being able to prevent myself from staring at Emma and Henry at Neal's funeral. My son looked so lost but Emma looked like she had said her goodbyes and had let go or wanted to before his body was in the ground. My thoughts are pushed aside though because Emma's magic changes and I barely manage to not gasp at the shift in power, but it ebbs again and the calm rolls over me once more. Such a strange element to come from a woman equally as volatile as I am.

"Loss won't break me Regina." Emma says plainly as her thumb slowly grazes over my knuckles. "I learned that lesson a long time ago, but it did make me put up walls and hold people a safe distance away. You know all about too."

Emma's right about me and if I were to verbally deny the extent that I'm becoming attracted to her with each moment I would sound completely stupid. At least my reasons that keep accumulating have nothing to do with her appearance, unlike the disgusting pirate. And now I can see some of Emma's hidden motivations when she solemnly proclaimed that: 'She's not dying.' I couldn't believe it at the time and even now years later it still feels as if it happened to someone other than me. Of course it would be The Savior who was the first person in a long time to stand up for me, and she was also the last that I would've expected. It seems obvious now that all roads were meant to lead me to this point. The revelation spurns me to move my hand so I can lace my fingers together with Emma's.

"I talked about you with Elsa." Emma blurts out rather shyly and I move to take my hand out of our tender hold. "Relax, I had to talk to someone since you weren't interested in communicating with me. I just told her how we hated each other when we first met, but she saw through it all. Basically, she told me to grow up and work with you to straighten out our mess."

I feel slighted at the knowledge that an outsider had so much more foresight and has in fact made a friend in Emma. That being said, Elsa sounds rather astute, non-judgmental and obviously a person that believes in empowerment and acceptance. The kingdom of Arendelle is fortunate to have Elsa as their Queen.

"I see and what else did you tell your not-quite girlfriend about me?"

I can't resist testing Emma and I most likely will always feel the need to do so. Only now I temper the tone of my voice with less venom, because I don't want her to think that I've changed my mind; I haven't and I don't even want to if it were possible.

"Can't you be civil for one moment or would it kill you quicker than one of your poisoned apples?"

"It just might." I say playfully which earns a smirk from Emma. "That is if I had used apples that were fatal which I assure you I never did."

"Elsa is back in Arendelle." Emma says with a timid smile. "And she was never my girlfriend in romantic terms Regina since that's what you were not quite asking me a minute ago, but she is a female that I consider a friend now."

I inhale deeply and smile inwardly even though I'm still worried that I'm not what Emma desires in this life, but then again she seems to favor thieves, liars and toxic men in general. In regards to women I don't think I'm the first one that she's flirted with. Still, I'm several tall steps up from the likes of all her past suitors; the ultimate reformed bad girl, an ex-Queen and the mother of her son. Emma and I sit on the park bench and watch the family of ducks disturb the lake mirror in silence. After a half an hour she pulls me up by my hand and we leave the park together, but go our separate ways once she leads us back to that mobile yellow scrapheap she calls a means of transportation.

 

\--------------

 

My home isn't a lonely place anymore and that's not completely due to the fact that Henry chooses to spend a week with me now at a time. I don't feel so empty anymore and it was actually freeing to let go, the waiting hasn't been so bad either. It's been a few days since the afternoon at the lake and I haven't interacted with Emma on a personal level, apart from her dropping off some required paperwork at my office. I imagine that Emma is pouring over every little detail between us like I did; I was prompted to look closer, and now it's her turn. I've removed all expectations that I had from her, save one; I want that one meaningful apology more than I want her to say 'yes'. I've reconciled the facts of who Emma is in my life, but that doesn't eliminate all the times that she said terrible things to me, the unprovoked barbs that hurt, and its only now that I understand why she managed to wound me when no one else could.

"Mom, I'm heading out now and I just wanted to let you...wow, you look nice."

Just the sound of Henry's voice makes me smile; his words notwithstanding, but those are welcomed too.I turn away from the window in the sitting room.

"Thank you." I say while I look at my son who is lingering on the threshold.

"So it's true and finally happening then?"

"What's happening dear?"

"You and Emma."

"I knew you would go through with it, Mom." Henry says enthusiastically before I can even form a suitable reply. "You're special too, more even, but I know you and that heart of yours. It's strong and fierce and once it knows what it wants; nothing can stand in its way, like the person that it keeps alive. Your heart is like mine."

I know that I must be looking at my son strangely, but this is one of the best moments of my life. I have no words and in my silence my hand moves to cover my heart, as my eyes overflow with what I feel. Though I hope with all of my being that Henry's heart will never physically resemble mine.

"So do you have plans? Are you going to see Emma today or something?"

I smile even though the only reason I'm dressed the way I am is because I woke up this morning and felt like it. I always put forth an effort but some days I go the extra mile and today was one of them.

"No, I don't have any plans and I'm not seeing Emma today."

My son looks deflated but still he walks into the sitting room and moves behind the sofa where I'm standing.

"I don't understand. You told me you asked Emma, so maybe she needs a little help from her favorite son to convince her that she's taking too long getting over Hook or whatever the holdup is."

"Henry, you are far too involved in this but I appreciate that you would stand up for me." I say while running my hand through my son's hair. "But Emma...well, she has yet to give me an answer."

"But I thought that." Henry starts but then his words cease due to his obvious disappointment.

I grasp his face in both hands, "It's perfectly alright; she was very nice and respectful towards me recently."

"That's not how it's supposed to happen." Henry says as I lean forward and kiss his forehead. "She has to know by now that you're her True Love, Mom."

He can't know the truth behind his words but I understand why he would assume that. My son does have those Charming wishful thinking genes whether I like it or not.

"Why would you think that, Henry?"

"It just fits Mom." Henry says as I pull back to look at him. "Grandma and Grandpa think so too; we've all talked about it, and please don't get mad they meant well. No one was talking bad about you, I wouldn't let them if they had tried to."

This will be one of times that will remember fondly for the rest of my days, but the moment doesn't last, the sound of my door bell disrupts it. I move to answer the door but Henry grasps my hands.

"I'll get it." He offers and then let's go of my hands. I hear him open the door and before I can consider moving from my current spot I hear: 'Hey kid, is your Mom home?'

I have to wonder if The Savior's magic has been listening in or if this just so happens to be the day when another part of my life is supposed to start, in whatever capacity.

"Yeah she's here, I was just leaving and Mom is in the sitting room just to your left."

"Thanks kid."

The rest of Emma's and Henry's exchange is what one would expect between a mother and son, and I actually have no interest in accidently overhearing them. Instead I turn back to the window and look out at my yard or more specifically my apple tree which is still bearing late fruit, but it won't much longer since heavier frosts aren't too far off now.

"I've never been in this room before." Emma says thus announcing her presence to me. "Tasteful decorating as always, who's your decorator?"

"D.C." I say with a smirk.

"Who's that?"

I turn away from the outside view towards the one that just waltzed in. No jeans today that look as though she pours herself into them, instead Miss Swan is wearing a skirt and a dark blue blouse that's reminiscent of the one she stole from me. The black overcoat is a nice adult touch that looks wonderful on her too.

"You've heard of them." I say and Emma raises both of her eyebrows at me. "D.C. stands for Dark Curse."

"Oh, you're funny today."

"I'm glad I amuse you, Miss Swan."

The Savior grunts out a smile and moves further into the room while I walk around the sofa and head towards the sideboard. I pour out some water in one of my cider tumblers; it's far too early in more than a few ways to start drinking something with a kick. I glance up at the mirror in front of me but unlike other women and more than a few men who have no interest in the fairer sex, I refuse to behave like a peacock and fluff myself for optimal attractiveness because it's just Emma.

"Not that I'm trying to be inhospitable, but to what do I owe the pleasure of this surprise visit?" I say while turning away from my reflection and then taking a sip of water. "Would you like something to drink too?"

"No thanks, I'm good." Emma says as she pulls off her gloves and stuffs them in her coat pocket. "And I'm here to talk about a few things that have been on my mind for a while."

"Suit yourself."

I would offer Emma a seat but if that's what she wanted she would do so without me prompting her. I opt to silently watch after her while I casually sip my water, but when she actually notices me a strange expression I haven't seen before passes over her face. This morning I chose a dark amethyst sleeveless dress with a daring but still modest neckline that fits tightly to my body for my enjoyment. And based on the subtleties of the person in the room with me, I do believe she also has found an appreciation for my choice today.

"Not that the silence we have going here isn't simulating." I say indifferently since I wasn't suitably prepared for this, but I also think this is the best way to get The Mute Savior's mouth to work. "But I feel like I need to tell you that normally I never would've said anything; its not in my nature."

Emma seems to pull herself out of the daze I induced and walks over to my fireplace. She ends up standing in the same exact place where I threw my letter opener at Zelena's head, which effectively ruined one of my lovely horse head prints.

"Then why did you?"

Only one way to answer that question but I don't want to. Emma has a part to play in this too and I'm not doing all the work for her.

"You should be able to figure it out." I say evenly but Emma frowns at me for a second.

I meant what I said about the metaphorical hand holding during our first magic lesson. As powerful as Emma is she still hasn't fully accepted that her magic is a vital part of her being, or it could be she simply doesn't want to say what she may suspect.

"You know the first time we met I thought Henry was being a unfair brat." Emma says; clearly changing the subject which is frustrating. "I mean here was this protective, successful woman who clearly had her whole heart invested in him; wanted him, and yet he would run away. I just kept thinking that if I were in his shoes it would've felt like winning the lottery if I'd had a fraction of that at his age."

The unexpected flattery causes my hand to shake, so I place my empty tumbler down on the sideboard.

"And if that wasn't enough Regina, those memories that you gave me, the ones that I carried with me to New York." Emma says confidently. "You gave me some of the best parts of you."

I suddenly feel like I could cry but I won't, and oddly this time instead of rising up with my emotions, my magic has chosen to remain dormant.

Emma glances down briefly and then looks up, "But then you threatened me, so I reacted. If you hadn't we might have gotten here sooner.

She has apologized to me many times this year and I don't think I've ever really appreciated any one of them really, but this feels different. I can almost see her words trying to punch their way out of her mouth, but the most bewildering sight yet is her face slowly contorting to one of pained sadness. Emma clutches her hand over her heart, and there is no doubt in my mind that her magic is calling out to her. I won't cheapen the moment with a remark, because it's as though I'm witnessing something that wasn't perhaps meant for me. She inhales sharply and those color-shifting eyes of her's capture mine.

"You are worth so much more than the hand you were dealt, Regina." Emma nearly sobs out and my own vision begins to blur with one breath, but I will not one tear to fall from my eyes. "All the vicious cycles of hurt that we've done to each other, I'm tired of it. I want to do something right by you."

'People use and hurt one another every day, why should you be any different?' Are exactly the words I wouldn't at one time have hesitated to say to her, but this is what I wanted, the last piece that I need.

"And I get it Regina." Emma says and wipes under her eyes and sniffles. "Those things you said about Hook and Elsa; they weren't rooted in jealousy. You were trying to get me to see what a hypocrite I am, that I had an unfair standard I held you up to and no one else. I'm sorry for all of it."

"Are you just saying this because of what I asked you, or because of what you just felt through your magic?"

Emma shakes her head and wipes under her nose, "Yes and no, I don't want to be like that anymore and I don't want you to be treated like that anymore." My breath catches in my throat and I hate that for a split second but it passes. "By me or any member of my family or anyone else ever again."

This feels like too much and it is more than I thought I would get from her, but I want her to quit crying so I can stop trying with all my might to keep from joining her.

"Remember when we had that meeting in your office and I told you that you had no soul." Emma says even though her voice faintly fails on the last word. "Those words still rattle around in my head to this day. I hated myself as soon as I said that. I'm so sorry for saying that, and I'm sorry for all the things I said to you that you didn't deserve."

"Emma..."

"I'm not done yet."

"I know that I'm definitely NOT what you imagined when you've thought about what type of person you would want to share your life with." Emma says and her tears are almost nonexistent and the tremble in her voice stops. "But I won't apologize for that though. I've had to make amends with who I am several times in my life and I don't expect that to ever change for me."

She moves closer to me and for the first time in my life I don't hold my ground, instead I move around the sofa back towards the window I was looking out of earlier. I'm not running from her, just giving us a pause, because I know this is not easy for either of us. The late afternoon sun has slipped behind a few passing clouds and the daylight has a subdued hue. I know that Emma is behind me without even having to turn around but I do. Her pleasant face shows no trace of tears and now her eyes appear to be more blue than green.

"I...I've always liked you Regina." Emma confesses as a rising blush begins to color her cheekbones. "If you recall I was...really friendly towards you the first few times that we spoke. Then you bit my head off and then you basically spat it back at me. I'm sorry for being such a judgmental bitch towards you."

"I don't spit." I say smartly and The Savior chuckles at my words and I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy the sound. "And please don't say those two words anymore, Miss Swan."

Emma smiles, "No I guess you don't. But I'll keep saying 'I'm sorry' until I feel like I've said it enough or until you throw a fireball at me, whichever comes first."

I chuckle because I've never met another person who has challenged me the way Emma does. Granted, sometimes I have fleetingly wanted to do harm to her and one time I whole-heartedly tried to do away with her and it backfired massively, but that is our past and I'm curious about what the future will bring.

"Regina," Emma says my name so softly, reverently that when I look up I'm struck by how close she is standing to me. "I...I think you're incredible in every possible way and damaged like me. But once I got used to our interactions, got to know you little by little, the more I came to like you. Flaws and all, even that evil streak that runs right through you. I wouldn't change anything about you, but I started to like you even more when you embraced the person you really are. The person underneath the snark, badass suits and killer heels."

My eyes begin to water again even though I'm smiling. I've only begun to fully realize that my happy ending rode into my life in a Volkswagen of all things, but I fear that it might still not be mine for the asking. I've taken enough things in my life; almost as much as what was taken from me.

"Emma I know that this is out hardly of the blue, but I'm still hoping that you've considered my offer and would be agreeable to going on a date with me?"

"No."

With her instant answer I feel my smile fall off my face as my heart drops somewhere lower in my body; like it did when I thought Emma's instinctual magic failed under my abrupt, harsh magic lesson on the bridge and she fell to her death by my hand.

"I don't need to date you Regina." Emma says as she closes the last few remaining inches between us. "I know you already, so all I really need to know now about you is this."

I still feel stunned and hurt but at the first touch of her hand on my face, and then as I feel her other hand on my neck, those conflicts fade. I know what's going to happen and I have no objection to it. My magic has chosen to remain silent but her touch incites a ripple through me and I close my eyes just as I feel her lips touch mine for the first time. Such a simple action, however when her lips gently take my lower lip hostage, it feels like so much more. My arms wrap around her to pull her completely against me. I don't expect any actual fireworks yet and I hope that doesn't happen, because something greater is happening for me. I never felt even a hint of this the last time my soul mate kissed me, back when it wasn't about lust.

Emma's hand on my neck moves up, then she tilts her head and changes our kiss entirely. It's generous and her comforting hold on my cheeks as her lips respond to mine is causing my heart to beat faster. Even with an incredible sensation pulsing through me, a part of me is suggesting that I be cautious, but the largest part of me that's reveling in this wins out and I make my own bold move. I move my arms up Emma's back and grasp some of her long, silky hair and then when her lips part to brush over mine again in our sensual dance I slip my tongue between her lips a little. She makes the most alluring noise in her throat as I feel her hips jerk into mine. Then with a groan Emma ends our kiss and of course I feel a sense of pride that I haven't lost my touch.

"Does that tell you all you need to know about us, Miss Swan?" I husk out as I my hands run along the base of her neck, and then through that long blonde hair again until I let them rest on her strong shoulders.

"Yeah, I'd say it was a damn good start." Emma says with a breathless smile. "But along the way maybe you'll tell me your favorite color and other fun details as we go; playfully and subtly insult me, because I really like that bitchy sass of yours." I glare at Emma in response. "What? It goes well with my prickly nature and to top it off you're funny in your own sarcastic way."

"I make you laugh?" I say while I slowly move my hands off her shoulders.

"Well yeah, haven't you been paying attention lately and before I mean I've hidden it well." Emma says with a shy smile. "But I've never really managed to completely hide a smile that you've caused in some roundabout way."

I chuckle and it's with some reluctance that I finally pull my body away from being directly in contact with her's; she faintly sighs at the loss.

"Don't worry I won't embarrass you with heavy PDA." Emma says while reaching for both of my hands; she clearly wants to remain touching me in some way. "Having to accidentally catch my parents going all nutso humps-a lot in public and pretty much everywhere turns my stomach too you know."

I chuckle again because I can't keep from doing so, perhaps we aren't so different after all. A daughter is free to think that her parents are idiots, so are son's since Henry was getting frustrated with me over Emma. I will have to tell Henry that he was right again.

"See, I make you laugh too sometimes."

"Yes, you do."

"Oh and this is for further on down the road. I mean if we get there...I don't want you to worry." Emma rambles, blushing quite beautifully while doing so, then she sighs and rolls her eyes at herself. "You won't have to threaten me about calling you stupid pet names. Like...ugh, I can't even say them. I hate them myself; they've always sounded so patronizing, but I do like nicknames. I promise not to call you Gina though unless I'm pissed at you."

"Good to know and I do hate all those insipid little pet names. I also don't care for your bastardized version of my name. But is that the best punishment you can come up with, Miss Swan?"

"Probably." Emma concedes with a small smirk. "But if we're really going to do this you have to call me Emma, even when you're super pissed at me from this moment on."

"Well that's an unfair request."

"Regina, be serious for a second and then you can turn that fun, sassy and sexy charm back on."

"Alright, Emma."

"I've been thinking about our beginning ever since that day in your vault; you know when you said that you didn't want to kill me." I feel myself smiling at Emma because I can't keep from it. "I admire your courage Regina. You're braver than I'll ever be."

This cursed reality and my original one wasn't kind to me, but maybe that's finally starting to change.

"I may have been brave enough to ask for a date but you were the one who kissed me." I say while affectionately squeezing Emma's hands in mine. "And despite my transgressions recently I am not what you would call an easy conquest, nor am I interested in a rapid shift to an intimate physical relationship with you yet."

"Hey, I never...I mean I didn't think that you would let me. I took a chance with that kiss and when you didn't slap me away." Emma rambles again which makes me laugh a little and she frowns at me. "What I'm trying to say is that I want to wait, because unlike that arrogant ass with a crossbow; who will never be Daryl Dixon by the way. I'm not going to force myself on you like you are just there as a way to scratch an itch."

That jab at Robin would've made me irrepressibly angry at one time, but now I have to say that Emma's crass wording is a resolute bulls-eye.

I smirk and lean closer to Emma, "Thank you for reinforcing the concept of a noble hero. I feel so relieved that my virtue is safe around you."

Emma laughs as she reaches up to grasp my cheek in her hand, "You're just all about the sass today aren't you? But seriously I meant what I said about how I always wanted to like you, but you made it a Mt. Everest-sized challenge on a bad day and just as damn near impossible every other day."

"Anything worthwhile isn't supposed to be easy, Miss Swan." I say as sultry and playful as possible and the effect is instantaneous. The Savior is taken with me and she appears to enjoy the ways I can manipulate my voice.

Emma blushes faintly and clears her throat, "What did I tell you about calling me that?"

I might actually enjoy falling in love with this one; I'm already on my way there, and I'm willing to acknowledge that I may have been for a while now without really knowing it.

"That you secretly like it, Emma?" I say with a smirk and she rolls her eyes at me but also smiles at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Magic's In The Makeup" by No Doubt, "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" & "How Soon Is Now?" by The Smiths, "The Bigger You Love (the harder you fall)" by Paloma Faith, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones


	6. Act VI. Pretend The World Has Ended

Storybrooke: One Month Later...

I had no expectations on how things would go once I began not dating The Savior. I must say I was pleasantly surprised that Emma was quite well-mannered after all and completely respectful towards me. So after several date-like scenarios, more than a few overheated kisses and games of roaming hands, I'm more than ready to take things further tonight. However, I draw the line at allowing it to happen in her yellow-mongrel of a contraption otherwise known as the bug, even though she's currently straddled in my lap and not so gently grinding into my hips. I'll use magic to transport us somewhere else before I let this go too far, it's that or some form of a distraction until we find a more ideal location.

"The expression on Snow's face was priceless tonight." I say against Emma's lips which makes her smile before she continues kissing me. "When she caught you trying to slip your tongue in my mouth while we were supposed to be cleaning the dishes after dinner."

Bringing Snow into this equation is the best I can do in my deteriorating state. Especially since what I really want is to finally show Emma how she makes me feel, preferably while we are both naked. The uncomfortable look Snow gave us will be the only satisfaction I will get from her in regards to her opinion of this relationship. After all dear Snow clearly made peace with what was looming on the horizon, which I find amusing now because it took me marginally longer.

"I would've thought you'd find it embarrassing, but since my mom is happy with you corrupting her only daughter I guess your new plan of attack is going for shock so you can watch her blow a gasket for once." Emma says with a chuckle against my neck, while she leaves kisses along my jawline. "I'm your willing accomplice of course. Shit, you two are a crazy-complicated set of friends but I'm glad you're friends again."

I chuckle as I tilt my head down to recapture Emma's wandering lips. She wore another dress for me tonight and I must say I love the access it grants. My let my hands trail down form her waist to her thighs then further down until I reach the hem of her tight black dress. I never expected her skin to be so soft; she clearly waxes or something to that effect. I'm pleased to note that despite her penchant for sometimes rather butch clothing choices that underneath it all she is incredibly feminine. God, we're still in this damn car! I lean back from Emma and she grumbles when her lips just miss reconnecting with mine.

"I hope Snow knows what will happen when she starts in with her whole." I say and then make a gagging sound; Emma chuckles, and those wandering hands of her graze under my breasts. "Rainbow kisses and attempting to parade us towards our happy ending like a kamikaze; it will force my hand to curb all those Un-Charming tendencies of her's."

"Good luck with that and let me know how it works out for you."

"Need I remind you of who you're dealing with?"

"The sovereign of thermo-nuclear hotness?"

"Are you brain damaged, Emma?"

"Madam Mayor?"

"I suppose that'll do."

I've learned that Emma likes to hold conversations while we make-out. I believe she enjoys having me distracted so she can blurt out all sorts of things to her hearts content. I wonder if she's vocal during clothing optional activities.

"I know you didn't like Neal." Emma says against my neck before she does the most delightful thing with her tongue on the spot of my neck where my pulse showcases that it's steadily picking up its rhythm. "You know at the time I didn't really pay attention, but the way you called him 'this person' all Regina-snarky style, well now it's just makes me think that maybe you liked me a little bit then."

"I swear I give you an inch and you insist on carrying it for one very smug mile." I say while trying to hold in a moan, since Emma's hands have just found my breasts for tonight. "Back in Neverland I was just getting around to tolerating you."

"Deny it all you want because I know you're lying."

"Alright, fine." I concede before grasping Emma's face with one hand. "I couldn't understand what you saw in him; he wasn't very attractive, and I don't strictly mean his outside appearance."

"I was young and stupid Regina and none of it matters now."

Emma's words are reserved and since I have her distracted I lean in quickly and kiss her fiercely. She groans into my mouth and I take the opportunity to suck on her tongue, which causes her to jerk her hips into my lap.

"Jesus." Emma pants into our parted kiss and I smirk at her.

Emma retaliates by caressing my breasts in the most perceptive way; not too rough but not too timid that I could possibly forget she's touching me. I smile and pull her back down to me, offering her my neck, which she enthusiastically reclaims. I wonder what exactly this young woman sees in me, our true love crap notwithstanding. Granted on the surface our age difference would only be a few years, but the reality is over twenty-eight, plus a few more years extra in interest.

"Emma, our age difference is quite..." But she cuts off my voice with a kiss that starts on the corner of my mouth and then slowly consumes both of my lips.

"Don't care." Emma breathes on my lips and my pulse quickens again. "Neal had to have been at least a good two-hundred and fifty or even three hundred years since he was running around 'Darling' Victorian England when he was a kid." I smile at Emma's over-simplification, but inside I can't help but suppress a flinch at the mention of her first love's name for a second time in the span of a few minutes. "In your case Regina it's just a number that doesn't mean a damn thing to me."

Leaning back from Emma as much as this claustrophobic car will allow I gaze into those intense shifting eyes and my insides clench in desire; she sees it. Then in one long moment she grasps one of my hands from her thigh and moves it under her dress. I can't hold back the groan at feeling how ready she is and we've barely done anything.

"Not here."

"Alright, hold on a minute." Emma whispers in a shuddering breath as she grinds her clothed wetness into the palm of my hand, the action causes me to press my legs together tighter.

I'm just as far along as Emma is in regards to the condition of my underthings. My thoughts are so clouded that I almost miss the swirling white smoke that envelopes us. It's her magic that embraces us and then I feel her will our bodies to dissolve as one, and then hopefully reform as two separate entities. I really should move my hand but I don't want to. Being engulfed in magic is an aphrodisiac all on its own but with the added simulation it's a true out of body experience, the nexus in our connection is undeniable though. I've done this spell many times and it only lasts in the blink of an eye but this time I'm not in control, so when I feel my rear end land abruptly on a spongy, plush surface I almost squeal which is unbecoming for anyone over the age of twelve.

"Where in God's name have you taken us?" I nearly shout while removing my hand from in between Emma's legs.

"My new place." Emma says with a groan that sounds like frustration when I took my hand away. Unfortunately for me she removes her hands from my breasts too, damn it! "The kid is staying with my parents remember and I thought I would show you how adult I am now in new ways."

The second curse brought more people back over, thus requiring more space and dwellings. In the low light I see a loft style apartment that is very nice and not as open as Snow's in layout. A large sectional sofa; where we landed, is the centerpiece in front of a sizeable mounted flat-screen television and a rather nice fireplace. I wonder what the rest of it looks like? To be blunt though, the next sight I want to see is Emma naked in her bedroom with me.

"What do you think?"

"I think that so long as Snow and David aren't sleeping next door then it's suitable."

Emma laughs and then reminds me that she's still in my lap by leaning forward and pressing our breasts together. I feel her nipples through the fabric of our clothes. I close my eyes briefly and exhale through my nose to steady myself.

"So your magic is white in color as well." I say while letting my hands rest high on her bare thighs where her dress as ridden up. "More importantly I'm impressed that you managed to get us here without missing limbs."

"I've been practicing." Emma huffs out playfully. "And at least my magic isn't some lame color like...a precious baby blue or something."

As enjoyable as it has been to fondle and chat with Emma tonight simultaneously, I'm really past the need for any more foreplay, verbal or otherwise.

"It would appear so." I say while moving one of my hands back between Emma's legs. She jumps a little as my hand makes contact with even wetter than before silky underwear. "Well you brought me here so are you really going to make me wait longer, Miss Swan?"

"Wait for what?" Emma says as she leans down and her lips connect and then move along my jawline; making my heart flutter while other parts of me tremble in need. "And don't call me that or I'll stop what I'm doing."

I roll my eyes and lean back from her, once more removing my hand and she huffs in obvious frustration.

"Didn't you with...him?" Emma says with a noticeable cringe and I move both of my hands up to rest on her waist. "I know that I said in a nasty way you did but I didn't know for sure."

"Yes, I did go that far with Robin since that's what you're alluding to." I say sharply and I do wish that I hadn't allowed Robin to use my body. "But that was several months ago and I haven't been with anyone since."

Emma leans back but her weight remains firmly planted in my lap, "You know if you said his name to a random stranger they would think you'd already been dating a chick."

I glare up at Emma from habit and to also keep from smiling. But she has learned my tells over the years we have known one another though, and she smiles wider and in response I try to push her off of my lap.

"Hey now!" Emma says as she moves my hands off her waist. "I thought that little observation was funny, but seriously if you want some attention tonight don't you dare call me Miss Swan again. I mean your voice is outrageously sexy and all, but it reminds me of the early days when all we shared was mutual hate. I haven't felt that for you in years and to be honest I never did really. I just hated the way you talked to me; not you as a person."

Emma really has been a wonderful companion this last month. I don't think I've ever been this content and I dare say happy.

"Henry informed me that the most sickening love stories do not start out as fluffy golden sunshine with a side of wishful thinking, sprinkled with a hearty helping of dazzling unicorn excrement."

"Our kid said that?"

"Not precisely those words."

Emma laughs and leans forward until our breasts graze together for a moment and then she pulls away much to my disappointment, "I gotta ask after all these years what is it with you and buttoning your shirts? I mean that third one looks like its waving a white flag of surrender every time I turn around, because it's always on the verge of snapping." I smirk at Emma while my hands slowly move higher up her thighs. "And my God, while we were in Neverland I swear you barely bothered to even do up the two buttons on the bottom of your shirt the entire damn time!"

"You noticed." I say darkly and as sultry as possible. "I feel on reflection now, that perhaps I was inadvertently addressing what I had to offer physically instead of make-up tips. What you could have instead of Captain Guyliner and his ghastly stubble." Emma frowns at me for a second but then she leans forward again and those eyes of hers are a dark green. "Also I thought you liked my shirts? God knows you still wear the blue one that you stole from me. Don't assume I failed to notice that you were wearing one like it during the séance that I'm certain you liberated from my closet as well."

Emma blushes and it's by far the most flattering thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I really don't want to think about Gold but it turns out that he was wrong about something finally, because apparently The Savior has always had a soft spot for me, which due to her own admission a month ago even existed when she disfigured my apple tree.

"I swear you've got all kinds of weapons of seduction in your arsenal." Emma says and I arch my eyebrows at the covetable woman in my lap. "You're funny, cute, devious, never boring, insanely beautiful and devilishly sexy; nobody that I've ever been with has anything on you." Emma says with a teasing grin while her eyes and index finger trace over the scar on my upper lip. "And since you were just sniping on about your precious shirts, I feel like I should point out that it seems to me like I'm going to get more than your shirt after all."

Normally the unyielding urge to wipe that smugness off her face would be next on my agenda. But I'm quite at peace with the now apparent fact I was wrong, that and her touch is very distracting.

"No one has ever referred to me as cute." I say dryly but then my words fall flat, as Emma's fingertips retrace my scar again. I've never been self-conscious about it; just a childhood accident that left a mark, nothing more to it than that. Regardless, as she continues to be fascinated by it I can't keep from shutting out the view of her up close inspection of me.

"Don't do that, please." Emma says softly which prompts me to open my eyes. "I think your mark makes you even more beautiful, and it adds character in my opinion, and I hope you won't find mine too unattractive. I have stretch marks you know."

"I'm not vain." I say softly while looking into the depths of her engaging eyes. "My attire in every incarnation has always had a purpose and it's not unlike donning armor, but more importantly I promise you I will find your marks very attractive Emma."

The Savior inhales sharply, "God, I want you."

"Good, now tell me where your damn bedroom is so I can get us there." I reply while quickly moving one of my hands from Emma's thigh to push aside her underwear, to touch her again and this time without a barrier.

"Fuck," Emma practically moans out when I run my fingers through her drenched sex. "Shit...I can do it. I'll get us there if you give me a second."

Emma grips me tighter to her body when once again her white magic collects us, but this time I move my hand away just to annoy her; she frowns at me just before we dissolve together. I didn't allow myself time to take in Emma's bedroom fully, because when we landed on her bed a few tea light candles scattered around the room ignited. Then I used magic to do away with our coats and then her hands reached out to reclaim my body. She skillfully managed to undo the buttons on my blouse and pushed it down off my shoulders. I'll allow her a head start and a first look for now. I've always loved the intensity that is always just at the surface between us. Running the palm of my hand along the smooth skin of her forearm I can feel it; her magic calling out to mine, it flows in her veins just the same as blood.

Grabbing both of her wrists I turn us over and press Emma into the bed with some force, but I nearly lose my concentration when her legs wrap around my waist and pull me completely between her legs. I catch her brief smile of satisfaction and to wipe that smugness off her face I thrust my hips into her. Those green eyes widen and a groan of pleasure comes out of her mouth clearly without permission. My breath stalls in my lungs when my eyes are captured by her lust-driven gaze. Then with a rapid breath she pushes up off the bed; my hands cannot hold her down any longer, and our lips collide once more.

I haven't been this ravenous for another person before, but with what little presence of mind I have remaining I pull away from Emma's mouth and kick off my heels. She follows suit, much less gracefully though. I love that she wore a dress for me; it will allow me to reach my destination that much faster than those jeans of hers would. I push her dress up past her hips and the scrap of see-thru underwear is very sexy, but it's been in my way for long enough. So with one hand I grab the underwear and rip it on the side; her eyes widen almost comically.

"I've never been the bottom in my entire life and I'm not going to change now."

"That's okay, I don't care...I'm a switch." Emma says with panting breaths while she reaches behind her back to undo her bra, then she hurriedly pulls it off and flings it over the side of the bed. "As long as I get to touch you, make you feel good too, it doesn't matter how you let me do it."

In the low candlelight the blue-green in Emma's eyes have been obliterated. I imagine that our eyes appear to be the same color; a dark abyss of hunger. My eyes wander over her exposed chest and I have an instant urge to take her pert nipples into my mouth.

"You may have your way with me," I say as I unhook the clasps on the front of my bra and reveal my assets to her. "...in due time."

Emma makes a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a moan, but then without warning I grab her face and slip my tongue in through her parted lips. She groans and pulls me tighter to her; our breasts press together, while her tongue greets and caresses mine. There will be time for a greater exploration of The Savior's body later, that is if she has the stamina to match mine, but for now I know the woman beneath me wants to be freed. My lack of any recent experience with another woman in this realm won't be a hindrance for me; I damn well know how to please myself.

I move my right hand off Emma's cheek and slowly drag it down her neck, then between the soft valley of skin between her breasts. I almost hate to neglect them for now, but I want my hand back in a much more intimate place and I don't think Emma will protest my intent. An almost indecent amount of wetness covers the palm of my hand on contact and Emma breaks our kiss with a loud moan. So sensitive and undeniably ready, as am I, so what I have planned should be more than effective for the both of us to begin with.

"Inside Regina, I...fucking need you."

Her words are such a turn on, so I kiss Emma intensely and then bite down slightly on her lower lip as I give her what she wants. Her body clenches my fingers tightly and she feels like me on the inside but different. The warmth and the faint tremors around my fingers are addicting.

"You have such a filthy mouth but don't you dare stop being so wonderfully vocal." I say in low tones, while I allowing her time to adjust to the intrusion and so I can straddle her thigh.

"You're so wet too." Emma rasps out when I make contact with her smooth skin, but the only reply I offer is to start moving my fingers out and then push back inside her with a little force.

I move my hips against her thigh for a single thrust and it provides me with the perfect amount of pressure to the growing ache between my legs. More profanities fall from Emma's lips, intermixed with my name moaned out. It's time to show her another side of me and exactly what she's in for tonight.

"You feel so good," I say while I speed up my thrusts. To gain more leverage and then I start using my thigh to press on the back of my hand to press into her harder. "I could fuck you for hours and still need to keep going."

The Savior moans loudly and I lean down to take possession of the sound with my mouth. I expected her to be responsive especially after every display I witnessed even from our first timid make-out session. With every thrust I feel my body erupt to another level of longing, so I grind down harder on Emma's thigh and she responds by grabbing my ass and pushing me into her harder. She's perfect for me, no one has ever understood me so completely before.

"Show me how I make you feel." I command with a hard thrust and with the added movement of my thumb pressed into her painfully aroused spot that personally works for me every single time. "Show me everything."

Emma clings to my hips so intently that I know there will be bruises tomorrow and that's perfectly fine with me. The resistance is delicious and I feel her body trying to pull me in deeper and I happily oblige with another hard, fast thrust, then six more in rapid succession. My name has never sounded so superb and as she trembles in my arms I deliver a few softer thrusts, and allow my own more subdued release to happen. I drop my head to her shoulder and I wait for her body to relax so I can remove my fingers that are wedded inside her.

Emma shudders when I move off of her to lie on my back. I bring my fingers up to my mouth and with the taste of her in my mouth now my body gears up for another round but I will leave its decision to her. After all there will be no point in continuing this relationship if we are incompatible but so far we are highly complementary. Plus, I don't want to sleep with another puppet or behave as though I'm entitled. I know that Emma would never force herself on me; she has already demonstrated as much this last month, and I've known Emma for far longer than I knew the last person who touched me.

"I know you're ready for more because I am too." Emma says while sitting up on the bed. I smile and lift my head up to look at her; such an unkempt mess with her dress around her waist, but after a few seconds she gets up.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Emma smirks before she grabs my ankles and pulls me down to the foot of the bed. My skirt rides up and I know she has gotten a good look at my own pitiful excuse for underwear and the condition of them is bound to be fit for nothing but disposal.

"Nowhere, the only place I'm interested in right now is putting my tongue inside you as far as I can get it." Emma says as I attempt to sit up on the foot of the bed. The Savior is very surprising; a switch indeed. "No, turn over. I want you from behind."

Normally, I'm not one for obeying a request but since she is intent on giving me something I will comply. I roll over on my stomach, the smell of Emma's sheets fill my nose, and then I feel her hands on my waist pulling me down over the edge of the bed. My knees are suddenly on the carpeted floor and then I hear the fabric of my skirt tearing slightly at the slit in the back as Emma forcefully pushes it up to my thighs, but I couldn't care less. In the next breath I hear and feel her resolve to remove my ruined underwear in the same fashion as I did away with her's; my hips jerk with her rough tug, until the fabric yields to her. I lean over the foot of the bed and stretch my arms out in front of me and grab the wrinkled sheets in both hands.

My lungs choke on the air when her mouth makes contact. I knew it would be a certain way between us when I let myself imagine doing this with Emma. God, knows what it would've been like if we had indulged in hate sex during that first year. Truly, though I don't want that now or ever, but I will take this level of intensity and passion any time I can get it. Emma's tongue drags up my entire length; my loud wanton moan is muffled against the bedsheets. Her reverberating moan resounds inside me which forces another sound of carnal delight to tear its way out of me. I grip the sheets tighter in my hands as Emma pushes against my entrance with her hot rigid tongue, and then my breathing stalls along with my frantic heartbeat when she slips inside.

It feels like a lock has been turned over in me and my body is beyond my control. I push my hips back into her mouth and she responds by grabbing my thighs as leverage. I don't expect to last much longer and withholding isn't giving her what she wants either. I turn my head to the side to take in more air and in a few breaths one of Emma's hands leaves my thigh and I instinctually know what going to happen next. She doesn't disappoint when I feel her fingers touch me exactly where I need her. I'm so sensitive that when she does I instantly moan out her name and leave the evidence of my climax in her mouth. Emma doesn't seem to mind though because while I coax my grip to release the bedsheets, she starts to arouse me all over again by tasting what remains.

A few moments were spent ridding ourselves of our respective bunched up skirts and dresses to the floor before Emma surprised me again, and I admit The Savior can maintain the ideal level of intensity that I desire. Apparently, we are matched in this act as we are in every other facet of our life. I feel Emma's lips kiss along my spine as she moves up, then her hands grasp my face and I turn my head sideways. She's there waiting and as soon I as part my lips her tongue presses through the space and I moan when her tongue touches mine. The taste of us mingles and then explodes in my mouth while her breasts press into my back.

"On the bed, now." I say darkly; breaking our kiss, and Emma visibly trembles which excites me even more.

The Savior obeys and clamors up on her bed to lie on her back but not flat though, instead she is propped up on her elbows. I rise up off my knees slowly, so she can enjoy the view, and then crawl up on the bed towards her. I don't want her to be intimidated I expect her to meet me head on and she does. Emma reaches for me but I move a bit faster and quickly straddle her hips.

"I hoped you'd be like this." Emma says as she places her hands on my cheeks. "You're incredible."

I feel my face warm but I don't care, I want her to see me like this. Emma smiles and leans in for a kiss which I gladly accept; meanwhile my hands graze under her breasts for a spell until I move them up so that the palms of my hands are filled. Her flesh is soft yet firm and I roll her hardened nipples between my fingers. Emma gasps and frees her lips from mine, but I lean back in and slide my tongue in to touch the roof of her mouth. Emma's hands fall away from my face and then I feel them on my breasts next. Emma moans and breaks our kiss and I turn my head and offer her my neck and I close my eyes at the sensation of her lips on my skin.

I've learned to temper my magic with Emma and in this setting it has no safe place; right now it would be like making love while the bed is on fire. I'm jolted out of my thoughts though when I feel her warm mouth latch onto my nipple. I gradually let go of Emma's breasts and let my hands wander down her torso. I saw her marks earlier and felt them against me as I worked my fingers inside her. Emma changes to my other breast; her tongue works around my nipples and I can't keep from crying out. I will my hands to keep going down her stomach until I feel the different texture of her skin under my fingertips, and her mouth stops its attention on my nipple.

"Regina."

It's my name but the meaning is an uneasy query. I simply look into her eyes in the dying candlelight, the simple tea light candles have almost run out of wick, and they've begun to flicker in their uncertainty. I run my fingertips along the length of a deep mark long since healed that extends from her belly button towards her side.

"I meant what I said Emma." I say and my voice sounds so ragged from what we've been doing. "These marks signify Henry, so I love them."

Her breath hitches and then The Savior looks as though she could cry. To keep that from happening I lean forward and press our lips together and then instantly deepen the kiss with a press of my tongue against her lips. The ache I've been ignoring roars to the forefront and I start grinding my hips into her lap. She moans and sucks my tongue into her mouth, while I blindly reach for Emma's hand on my stomach.

"Inside me." I pant into our broken kiss as I guide her hand further down my body.

When her fingers touch me again my body lurches and without any needed instruction she thrusts inside me easily. I grab her shoulders to anchor myself as my hips automatically move in tandem with her actions. I gasp for air with every thrust of Emma's fingers inside me. I look down before the last candle starts to snuff itself out and watch as her fingers disappear then reappears with a slick sound that only adds to the frenzy. I cling to Emma as I start to ride her fingers faster; the pressure that has been building lower in me is incredible, its stealing my breath away and her's is no steadier than mine.

"God Regina," Emma groans lowly in my ear and the feeling of her hot breath on my neck makes me groan. "It feels like you're going to break my fingers...but I, fuck...it doesn't matter." I pull her to me, as close as I can get her and she buries her face in between my breasts.

 

Two Months Later...

Spending most of the day on the White Pine Trail wasn't my first choice, but I have to say that destroying and reforming old fallen trees has been an enjoyable exercise in magic with Emma. The two of us really do compliment the others magic perfectly. Also, I find that every time I use my white magic it becomes stronger than the last time I used it. It's a heady feeling doing magic with Emma; almost as much as when we are together in another equally intimate way. To force my mind from those lust-filled thoughts I look up at the overcast skies, which are hidden under the dense foliage of the forest and combined they make it seem like we are the only two people in this world. Emma explodes and reforms another tree with minimal effort and while looking her over I notice a spot of dark green moss on her cheek, which makes me laugh under my breath.

"What's funny?" Emma says breathlessly.

I really don't want her to wear herself out too much today by using anymore magic, because I don't want her useless to me later tonight.

"You have something on your face."

Emma shrugs and wipes both sides of her face with the back of her shirt sleeve while muttering: 'damn tree.'

I smirk at Emma as I use my magic to pick up a large rock and levitate it down the hilly-trail; after about fifty feet I let it fall to the ground with a loud thud.

"Show off." Emma says while I brush off my black trench coat, even though not a speck of evidence from our magical endeavors has blown back on me. "Say Regina, I was wondering if you remember a Princess Leia from your Crowned Royal days back in the Enchanted Woods?"

I wonder what it says about me now that I smile when Emma makes light of my darkest days another lifetime ago?

"I remember a blonde in an over-done red ball gown that I had apprehended because she aided Snow White's escape?" I reply while witnessing a growing smirk appears on Emma's face. "That was you wasn't it in one of the imp's disguise spells, back when you were heedlessly running around in the past changing things."

"Yep, your worship."

"So you're Princess Leia and Han Solo too?" I say with a smirk since I can recall having my guards put Emma on her knees in front of me, and then of course I didn't hesitate to tell her that I knew a street rat when I saw one.

"Sure why not?" Emma says with a laugh. "I'm sure you think that some of my clothes are scruffy-lookin'."

I barely hold back my laugh but there isn't a damn thing I can do about my hair-trigger perpetual smile these days. I have so many more laugh lines on my face lately; not that I'm complaining about that. Although, I would be even more elated if I could freely dispose of all the flannel Emma owns and that includes the faded shirt she chose to clothe herself in today. Which now that I think about it, it's the very same one she wore during our magic lesson on the bridge.

"Emma, can we please go back to being somewhat serious? You wanted another magic lesson so may we continue with that or do you simply wish to flirt with me all day instead?"

"Can't we do both?"

I ignore Emma's faux question but with a damn smile on my face that she mirrors instantly.

"I'm certain Gold told you that magic is about emotion since it had to be you that cast that white magic protection spell on his shop a few years ago."

"Yeah, that was me too."

"Not bad for your first try." I say aloud but the portion I leave out is that I might not have been able to break such a powerful spell without the help of my mother's dark magic too. I don't want to think about the past any longer; what's done is done. "Now speaking of harnessing your emotions, I thought we would concentrate on..."

"Wait," Emma interjects so quietly that annoyance isn't my next upgrade from frustration. "Regina it's alright to talk with me about your Mom. And no I'm not suddenly a mind reader, I remember that day too and I just saw so many emotions play out all over your face." She continues as she moves closer to me and then takes both of my hands in hers. "You know I didn't want to say anything before, but things are different now." Emma pauses and I'm enraptured by the look in her green eyes. "I felt it too all those times when we were together, even before you asked me out. I just didn't want or need my magic telling me what I should feel and I really didn't need another reminder when things were shitty between us again."

I lean closer to Emma and of course my body responds to her, just the same as my magic always has. But then I hear quiet footsteps approaching, so I move back away from Emma; whose eyes are closed, and yes she looks every bit the sleeping princess awaiting a kiss.

"Whoa, I so didn't mean to throw a bucket of ice on things." The unmistakable voice of Ruby Lucas rings in my ears, before I glance over Emma's shoulder to see her leaning against a tree. "But maybe that's good thing since we're out in the woods and all, not a lot of soft places to take that further."

Emma's eyes open and she looks stunned; like she expects me to get irrationally angry, this could be fun.

"Ruby what are you doing here?" I say while straightening my coat. I do hope she's up for a little game and besides she only caught us in an innocent scenario. I'm not ashamed and its common knowledge that every member of my town is aware of the change between Emma and I.

"Taking myself for a walk." Ruby says with a smirk.

Emma faintly snorts and I covertly smile at my werewolf friend, who smiles back at me.

"Storybrooke has leash laws and the Sheriff is right here." I say smartly but Ruby only smiles wider. "Shall I have her arrest you for failure to comply with town ordinance?"

"Hit me with your best shot, Sparky?" Ruby says as her eyes briefly flash to an amber coloring.

I chuckle darkly, "Very well Miss. Lucas-Benatar."

I feel Emma's magic rise up to mingle with mine and she's so focused she completely misses that we're joking, that is until Ruby and I both start laughing.

"Relax, Emma." Ruby says while raising her hands up in mock surrender. "Me and Regina are just messing around. We're close friends now since we did time together back in the EF during the Lost Year that's not so lost anymore."

"Right, okay, the both of you are weirdoes." Emma says with a slight frown.

I can tell that The Savior feels like I've left her out on some small secret that is anything but. Ruby has been busy and we haven't had much time to talk, aside from our meetings about her now being the new owner of The Rabbit Hole and the most recent being when she was in my office to renew its liquor license a few months ago.

"I've been called many things Emma but never a weirdo; so thank you for that." I say while reaching for one of her hands which she accepts. "Ruby thanks you as well."

The werewolf laughs and Emma still looks rather stunned by our exchange.

"Look Emma, Regina had to have someone to snark with back in the EF to keep her on the safer side of sane." Ruby says clearly catching unto The Savior's confusion. "And as a bonus I also thought she could use a cool friend."

Emma chuckles and squeezes my hand gently. I notice Ruby glancing down at the action; she smiles, and then I slowly let go of Emma's hand. My shape shifter friend has already told me she was happy for me, and that she felt Emma and I had dragged it out for long enough. Ruby is intuitive, bold and yet demure in a way and those are all traits that I admire in her.

"Yeah, you were my coolest Deputy for a while." Emma says. "I wish you would come back. You really livened up the place."

Ruby smiles and pushes off from the tree to move closer to us; she gracefully moves down the short incline without so much as a slip. I know all too well the werewolf has no interest in being around a charged environment again and even though Emma means well, I can't blame Ruby for wanting something different in this realm. She was one of Snow's soldiers and like most she has no stomach for that confrontational kind of life here, not anymore. So that leaves the rest of us fighting stock to pick up the slack when things go south in Storybrooke, which happens often enough so that we don't go from a sleepy little Hamlet straight to a deathbed coma patient.

"So it seems like I interrupted a magic lesson?" Ruby says in an all too eager attempt to change the topic as I predicted, as she places her hands in the front pockets of her hoody.

"A marginally failing one since my student has an attention problem." I say while glancing sideways briefly at said student.

Emma sighs, "I try my best to bring humor into her life every chance I get and what thanks do I get?"

"Oh yes Emma, I punish you like no other for such insolence." I say while placing my hands on my hips.

"God, you two should just skip this phase and move on to the married part." Ruby says with a chuckle and I turn to glare at her. "Since you already have the child and bickering part down cold."

Silence lands with a sure-footed thud between the three of us. I've never considered being married again, and I think its unnecessary in our small place in this realm. However, if Emma wanted that for us I would willingly revaluate my opinion on the subject.

"You hear that over the second bucket of ice I just dumped out?" Ruby says with a wry smirk. "Granny's calling me and besides I think my work here is done."

I chuckle and so does Emma. Ruby winks and then pulls her hands out of her pockets and replaces the two small, dangling earbuds in each ear. Then she pulls out what I'm assuming is an iPod as she starts moving further down the trail at a light jog.

"Well, I'll see you two around." Ruby shouts while jogging off at a faster pace. "You can continue making out like wild animals in the woods now."

"We weren't making out yet!" Emma shouts back at Ruby. "I was just holding her hands, damn it!"

I laugh at Emma's misplaced distress as Ruby's red and black-striped jogging hoody disappears down the hill. The werewolf also seems to enjoy getting a rise out of Emma too.

"That's not funny." Emma says as she turns to face me. "And just when I think I know a few things here you go with actually a nice surprise-surprise."

"A woman is entitled to have some enigma to her personality." I say darkly which prompts a playful smirk from Emma. "As I'm sure you still have some secrets I'm not privy to, but that can be a topic for another day since I'm more than ready to leave this D.C. stylized nature setting."

Emma shakes her head but does so with a faint smile on her face. We walk back up the path side by side in silence, save for the sounds of the woods around us. A fine mist has enveloped the air and blankets the woods around us, making them look every bit like something straight from a fairytale which it is in a sense.

"You know there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you or tell you if you ask." Emma says and its the sound of her voice that triggers more than a few emotions in me. "I don't want any secrets between us or things left unsaid anymore."

I slow my steps as we come to a large clearing on the trail; my car is visible just over the next arch in the terrain. I've no use for regret; it's a wasteful emotion in my mind, but Emma regrets and the memory of her saying so is vivid in my mind.

"I'm glad you feel that way too, but I do need you to promise me something right now: don't you dare do something stupid to jeopardize yourself in the near future." I say somberly; like a quiet threat. "Savior or not it's actually not possible to save everyone, no matter what realm you're in."

"I know Regina, but all that goes with the job title and I don't even get time off for good behavior." Emma says and I frown at the prison reference jab. "I get it though, we just got here finally and I don't want to lose you either."

Perhaps in due time I should tell her about how many times I was held captive? So that she knows that I'm not truly put off by the fact that she was incarcerated, but I'm leaving out the incident where I was in front of an execution squad. And if I'm to tell her about my forced/arranged marriage at some point, then that will be a discussion that I may have to have while imbibing some of my hard cider as a buffer.

"You know I just realized that you've saved me about as many times as I've saved you, more actually these last two years." Emma says while she grabs my arm and ushers us along the path that will lead us back to my car. "So maybe I should be worried about your hero complex?"

"I'm well aware that I'm complex but I'm no hero."

"Anti-hero then?"

"Emma."

"What, being all anti-hero is cool. Haven't you read any of the kid's comic books?"

At least I will never be bored with Emma as my companion, even if the conversation turns superficial. If only so we can pull away from the heavy topics, but never for very long though considering how The Savior's mind works.

"I most certainly have not felt the unending need to read our son's comic books." I say and yes I'm being less than truthful and I expect her to recognize that.

"Well, you might want to have a look some time." Emma says knowingly. "So many of the best one's are about the outcast, the misunderstood and those that aren't all good or all bad; so much gray area. I forgot about that kind of thing and then I started judging people more harshly, only seeing the worst. I wasn't always like that."

She is still apologizing to me in all new ways and I've chosen to let her be. And as we walk along the slightly soddened dirt path I glance over at Emma; she seems so deep in thought.

"I have the heart with the greatest capacity for darkness; I feel like I should've saw that one coming, and you have the most resilient one." Emma says as much to me as herself. "I wonder if it was all my parents doing that I was born like that or was it because of all the things I did to survive, to protect myself."

"Please tell me that you were nothing like your mother before you became so horribly jaded." I say in my usual flair, even though her words made my heart hurt.

Emma gradually chuckles and then slows down our pace to a halt by pulling on my arm gently. Yes, it would appear that I'm guilty of lightening moods too.

"Nah, I could never be as optimistic as Snow White. I could maybe be like what's-her-face," Emma snaps her fingers together. "Goldilocks. I'm blonde, good at making myself at home and I can definitely sample the hell out of anything you put in front of me."

I laugh as Emma clearly intended which causes her to smile at me. Her face is expressive and so much emotion is there, not just the joy, but something else.

"The first time I heard you laugh was when you were slipping around and I'm guessing sucking face with Robin at Granny's when we were having our little pow-wow about your sister." Emma says as she reaches forward and places her hand on my cheek. "It caught me off guard hearing you doing that...I love hearing you laugh."

The last few words are said so timidly but surely that my breath stills, though I scarcely have time to absorb the moment because Emma steps closer to me until our bodies are pressed together; front to delicious front.

"Are you gonna keep growing your hair out?" Emma asks with a wry smile, but before I can give an answer her lips are on mine.

This kiss is so different than any I've ever felt before. Only one other person has ever made me feel anything with a simple kiss, but that belongs in my long gone past. Usually my heart races when I kiss Emma; not this time though. I feel at peace, a lasting kind, a stronger kind than what I've felt every other time when she has simply touched me. I wind my arms around Emma's neck and bury my hands in her long golden hair. She responds by moving her hands around my waist and then I feel it, another pulse arises within me but it doesn't stay; in my next breath I feel it shoot out of the both of us. I don't have to see it to know it: True loves kiss, only this time I don't feel it on my face like a warm breeze. I feel it straight from my soul.

With a gasp Emma breaks our kiss but she doesn't move away from me.

"You don't like it?" I breathe out with a smile.

"You mean your hair, uh...everything looks great on you, but I love this look on you more."

"Emma you do realize what just happened."

"Sure, I've only had it happen around me a handful of times now."

"Then you understand what it means." I say while my eyes overflow with what I feel in my heart.

"Yeah, and it makes perfect sense to me Regina." Emma says as she gently brushes her thumbs against my cheeks. "You need someone to believe in you more than anyone else. And I meant what I told you a little over a year ago now; about my job not being done until you get your happy ending too."

"Emma..." I start and then when her thumbs wipe away a few happy tears that have escaped I fall silent.

"Let me get through this Regina, I feel the need to honor my word because I want to be a part of your happy ending."

True Love isn't the only answer for me, it's a nice incentive, but in this world making a lasting connection with someone is not found with pixy dust or in some story that was written without my consent. I see it all as irrelevant now since Emma has chosen to be with me because of what she feels, and not what she was told to feel by some arcane notion. Yes, I needed my magic to get me to open my eyes but following through was my choice.

"Must you be so sappy?" I say with intent but only half-heartedly and Emma moves her warm palms off my now dry cheeks. "I have no wish to be the second coming to your parents and all their True Love gushing everywhere nonsense."

Emma snorts, "Gushing everywhere, really?"

"Well they do ooze it out every chance they get."

Part of being in this cursed world; Storybrooke, is coming to terms with the fact that this place is a construct of second chances. A chance for a new life, a chance to start over. Which now I think about it, it's what my father wanted, begged me to accept in what truly is another lifetime ago. Only now after over thirty years living in this realm have I been able to come to terms with letting go and moving on.

"I will reign in the sap as best as I can from now on, Your Worship." Emma says with a wink. "And yeah I don't want to be the sequel to True Lovin' Part Duex either."

"Do you think you're funny, Miss. Swan?"

"Well yeah, it's kind of a dead giveaway when you smile and its obvious when you laugh." Emma retorts while she reaches for my arm and we start walking towards my car. "And that's strike one by the way; two more 'Miss. Swans' from you and I'll go home to my own bed and leave you by yourself tonight in yours."

"Who said I wanted you in my bed tonight?"

"I kinda thought after that whopper of a kiss and the magic of it all, you would want some extra sweaty and naked love to go with it."

"You're presumptuous and insane, Miss Swan."

I distinctly recall Emma saying she didn't 'yearn' that day in my vault, however I know all too well that she did. Thankfully, not a alcoholic pirate but she most definitely yearned for a family. I hadn't considered that well over four years after I informed her that 'I would destroy her if it's the last thing I do', that not only haven't I followed through with my threat, instead here I am completely enthralled with the fact that she loves me. Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony and I'm completely at peace with that fact, because I don't yearn anymore for love, forgiveness and understanding and I finally feel free.

"Damn it Regina that's strike two! You just love to push your luck don't you?"

"Would you really have me any other way, Miss Swan?"

"Hell no."

|::::::| END |::::::|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "The Business Of Emotion" & "Dangerous" by Big Data, "Burn The Witch-(UNKLE Remix)" by Queens Of The Stoneage, "Sin-(live version)" by Nine Inch Nails, "10 Lovers" by The Black Keys, "Heroes" by David Bowie, "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones
> 
> Final Words: Thumbs up? *shrugs* But if you think I did a knee-deep-in-shit-creek-job then you can keep that to yourself. I spent more than a few months working on this here and there when my motivation to 'do the best I could' was functioning. I'm a one-person band so that's editing included. Lastly if you're still reading this fare-thee-don't-fall-in-the-well, I chose to write this story in six acts because that's as far as I wanted to sit behind the wheel in this runaway experiment. This was originally only meant to be a long one-shot.


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